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PRICILLA
Casual Contributor

MY WORLD HAS CRASHED

Hi, I am new to this group and advised yesterday this might be a place that could help me.

My husband was diagnosed on Monday with Paranoid Schizophrenia.  For 5 years I have seen a decline in him and his thoughts with continued stories of people following him, him being filmed in every location he goes to the point he quite his job in Real Estate after 25yrs (2014) because he believed he was being set up by "a third party".

Fast Forward to today, having been employed for no more than 6 weeks in 3 jobs in 4 years because each time he believes the employers have been "inflatrated" and are part of the big scheme. For 3 years he has accused me of having affairs, he used to follow me, have me followed (all of which I was not aware of at the time) and since I found out what he was doing he stopped.   He also accusses me of being part of the Scheme, team, army, third party who are out to get him and continously says there are cameras in the house, the house is bugged and his phone is also bugged.

When he first started saying these things, they sent him to a pychologist - he ended up seeing 3 different ones over 3 yrs all of which he ceased going to because he believe they were also part of the scheme, part of the set up.

He finally got a great job in Aug this year, company car, phone, etc etc and after 6 weeks, the same story, they are having him filmed and followed.   What makes matters worse is that he does not speak to anyone about he just take action and began emailing and texting his new bosses/peers telling them he was going to the police to report them, asked them to sign a doc he had typed up declaring they were not part of the scheme etc etc.  The fact that I don't believe his stories has created so many arguements between us because I say I don't believe its happening and is automatic response is to accuse me of being part of it.

On Monday he was placed on antipsychotic which, to his credit is taking reluctantly because he believes there is nothing wrong with him but says he will take it because I think there is something wrong with him.

The reality of this has crashed my world this week - I have 3 kids, a mortgage, bills, etc etc and a husband now who is completely incapable of holding down a job - he appears to be uneffected by the consequences of his actions and how they will effect us and when I tell him, he says, don't worry, just stick with me and we will get compensation from who ever has done this to us for 5 years.  I know nobody has done anything.

I feel broken, I feel VERY angry and furious at him and I have yelled and screamed thinking something would snap back in his head and now am absolutely devastated with the realisation that it is not going to snap back in his head.

I guess, I just need to know how people cope - fight or flight seems to be my only option and my fear is if I leave him, he will not cope and do something unthinkable and I cannot live with that guilt.

My other question is, can anyone tell me if the medication will fix him - the pychiatrist believes that he will improve but I feel so low in a dark space that I cannot see any light particularly given that he is consciously pursuing his current employer with letters and "trying to make his position very clear" as he puts it.

I just need some hope - I have read some of the forums on hear and carers statements and this has made everything I thought but did not want to believe very real.    I do feel like my real husband had dies and someone I have no clue about has entered his body and I just don't know how to cope with it or handle it to make it better.

Many thanks in anticipation for any info or light that can be shed.... 😞

 

7 REPLIES 7

Re: MY WORLD HAS CRASHED

hi @PRICILLA,

Welcome to the group, and thank you so much for shairing your thoughts. Its great that you can feel comfortable enough and willing to share your feelings and circumstances with others here on the forum.

I hope you find the forum useful. There are many supportive persons who use this forum, all with different expereinces, but i think we all have one thing in common...our willingness to share our stroies, listen to others, and reflect upon our own, and often others, circumstances.

It sounds like you and your husband have had some challenging times over the last few years. I hope both of you have some support that you feel comfortable with. If not there is great support out there, not just from medical people, but also, for example, in social and community groups, not for profit organisations, or even simply doing some activities that make you feel good every now and then (as life really isnt limited to the challenges of a diagniosis...there is always much more 🙂

have you had a chance to do any reading about the circumstances you and your husband have been experiencing (from reliable sources such as SANE) and his diagnosis...sometimes this can be helpful and give us a chance to develop strategies to best suit our own personal needs relative to what both of you have been expereincing?

often with a personal insight persons with similar expereinces to your husband and yourself find it easier to cope, build resilience and understanding, and can find a pathways for recovery...there will be some good times, and thees may increase as time goes by especially with some personal insight and understanding of each others, and your own needs 🙂

I also wonder if youve had a chance to speak to anyone, or read up about ways you can help yourself cope with some/any of the different difficulties you have been expereincing? I think its just as importnat for you to look after your well-being as it is for your husband to look after his...and likewise support each other (wherever possible and reasonable)

Re medication...its hard to say with any certaintly, people often respond differently to medications (even the same type of medication). did the psychiatrist offer any other suggestions that may help your husband? if taking medication, the best benefits are usually seen when people engage in other activities as well, including hobbies, interests, exercise, and good diet, and have a supportive network for example, friends, family, pets, and social circles where possible. It may also be helful to seek out other forms of professional support such as a psychologist, or a family GP who knows about mental health.and your husbands history.

People do learn to cope and can end up having happy and fulfilling lives. I hope things improve for you and your husband and i hope the forum is a safe and supportinve place for you to share your thoughts and expereinces.

Re: MY WORLD HAS CRASHED

Thank you for your response.  I am seeing a pychologist who is a trained pychiatrist (retired) who quite honestly told me more about my husband yesterday then the pychiatrist he saw on Monday.  The guy on Monday was so keen on making sure he had my husband diagnosed and prescribed within the 1 hour time limit for $400 that there was no chance for us to ask any questions.  And I am sure, given what I have reseached, that my husband is a text book case, which might be so for the pychiatrist but not for us who know nothing.... don't know what to expect, don't know what will happen, don't know how to help him etc etc.

 

This site was recommeded to me yesterday by the man I am seeing and he has sent me plenty of links and information to read up on which I will start doing.

 

I guess I feel like my road of life has come to a complete large folk in the road and I can't see the end of either direction and my choices stay or go quite simply.  

 

If I stay, will it get better, if I go am I better off and my children are not subjected to this any longer and I can no longer be accused of doing nothing.  My kids are not young, they are 16, 14 and 13 and are very aware of their dads oddness and the fact that he has not worked for any more then 6 weeks at a time means they have missed out on a lot in life becuase we simply cannot afford it.

Thank you though again for my message, I sincerely appreciate it.

Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: MY WORLD HAS CRASHED

Hi @PRICILLA

It is devastating and bewildering when the person we love over a short period of time crashes into major psychiatric illness. There is a lot of loss and grief.

It is possible but requires a lot of strength and commitment to be married to someone with Sz. You will certainly need a lot of support, as well as your therapist you might explore other support services for both you & your husband. You might want to familiarize yourself with your states mental health act.

If your husband can no longer work and he qualifies for DSP you might want to see about getting him on this as it helps greatly with med costs and discounts on living expenses. If he does not believe he is unwell this could be a challenge.

Medication does not cure Sz, it can reduce symptoms so that the patient can function better in society. It comes with a plethora of side effects which vary from weight gain, loss of motivation, sexual dysfunction, diabetes etc (the CMI will list a good lot) and compliance in patients is often poor. Did his pdoc organise pre-treatment base tests? MI puts a strain on a carers mental health so it important from the start to look after yourself and engage in self care and do things to learn healthy coping mechanisms.

(My husband has a diagnosis of Bipolar ii.)

I will tag you in a couple of links in relation to Sz and general mental health.

I have found private pdocs are poor at carer communication, citing patient privacy (hopefully consent was given to pdoc to discuss his case with you). Public health docs have obligations in relation to this but are often overworked and do not take the time, additionally long term husband-wife relationships are a rarity and I have personally found that pdocs could do a lot better than they do.

Darcy

PS you might want to edit your first post and replace the drug name with the generic term 'antipsychotic' it is against forum rules to mention individual drugs

Re: MY WORLD HAS CRASHED

Hello @PRICILLA, welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your story here. My husband also had to leave work and like you, I have three children at home, though they are a little older than yours. Three words that I dwell on in relation to caring for my family are, "safety, security, stability". These are three important words of healing. I say things to my sick husband and sick sons like, "You are safe at home. Home is a safe place." I stick to a structured, predictable routine; this is very important in the world of people with psychiatric illnesses. I avoid changes. I try to make their chaotic world feel like it is contained in a safe, secure, stable dome. You are going to have to carry an awful lot on your shoulders because your husband is unreliable. Be brave; get clued up and be pro-active in helping your husband and children navigate this demanding illness. All the best and keep us posted on how things are going.

Re: MY WORLD HAS CRASHED

Thank you for your reply. How did you handle it with the kids xx

Re: MY WORLD HAS CRASHED

Thank you and I have changed the medication name, apologies x
Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: MY WORLD HAS CRASHED

@PRICILLA
I don't have children @Demi is one forum member who might be able to help in that regard.
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