Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Waterlily]

Hi I am new to this forum but excited to find people in a similar situation to myself. My youngest daughter mid-twenties has BPD and bi-polar and when triggered can be very difficult. My two older daughters are professional high-achievers and both live interstate. They want nothing to do with the problem child. This includes even acknowledging her or asking me how I am coping etc. This is the result of a bad incident which occurred Christmas 2015. My husband is stepfather to my daughters and although amazingly supportive, I find I am hiding more and more of daughters issues and problems from him as he gets very frustrated and at times angry due to the impact on our lives. I seem to be the only one who can understand my daughters behaviour is part of her illness. Any ideas on how I can improve family buy in? I cannot control problem child ... she does apologise at times but I feel too much water has gone under the bridge...

[Pebbles]

HI @Waterlily

Welcome to the Sane Forums 🙂

I hope you feel welcomed and find your way around. Thank you for your post also. I'm happy to hear that you feel excited to be on a platform with people in similar situations. I'll do my best to point you in the right direction of discussions and threads that can relate to your story. 

The link which can found here will take you to a thread around BPD resources which may be of interest for you to take a look at.

Another resrouce can be found in this thread by @Brodie , which is aimed at carers.

Some other discusisons you might find helpful are:

A mother of a son with BPD

I have a daughter with BPD

Borderline Personality Disorder

Feeling lost

I hope these are good starting points.

I can appreciate the challenges you are speaking of in your post and hope that you can feel supported and heard from the community here on the forum. There are members who often post on here how they look after themselves, an important aspect of being a carer. I hope the following is of assistance and wish you all the best. 

Look forward to seeing you posting again,

Pebbles 🙂

[NikNik]

Hi @Waterlily

Just to add to what Pebbles has shared, there's a member who pops to mind who might have some insights into what your other children are experiencing.

@Kiera80 - I hope you don't mind me tagging you, but I know you will have some insights from a sibilings point of view. Maybe you could share with Waterlily some tips on what would have helped you in your situation?

Waterlily, you can ready Kiera's story here

Maybe other parents or siblings have insights they want to share?

[LAmour]

This has been really difficult to manage because mine both deserve attention. It's so incredibly exhausting at times, so it can be difficult. DBT (dialectical behaviour therapy) was a game changer for our family and changed our family dynamics entirely

[Waterlily]

Thank you @Pebbles I have read those links .... really helpful!! @Kiera80 experiences have given me some insight into how my other daughters feel..

[NikNik]

Hi @LAmour
Thanks for sharing your experience - especially about DBT
@Waterlily - is DBT something that is on your radar?

[Waterlily]

@NikNik re DBT .. my daughter has been doing DBT for years with her therapist and I have read the green workbook... are you suggesting my other daughters also do some training? I agree this would be great but the distances involved (they live 1200 kms away) make this unlikely however maybe they could read the books? Whether they would be motivated to do this remains unknown. I really worry about who would support my unwell daughter if something happened to me.