General chat

[Former-Member]

@Dimity   I found and like an item on Pinterest that is about control ie what I can and what I can’t.  Is something I’m finding is helping me.  Happy to share screenshot, if you like.

Due to things I was told decades ago at regular eye check I gained a fear of eventually loosing my eyesight.  My heart goes out to you and sending hugs.

Question I get asked at times due to aspects of my physical health ….. does your age qualify you to apply for Aged Care Home packages.  I’m not old enough which saw me not being able to get any home help after cataract surgery.  

I don’t cope with anyone giving me short notice to come to my place.  I’m trying to break various patterns that were my normal for 40+ years which, if successful, will reduce my anxiety in that area.  

due to severe spinal injury that happened in my first year of high school that could have left my a paraplegic there are lot of things that are not safe for me to do.  Physical exercises I’m looking at doing next year is walking, continuing the current short walk I currently do once a week and gradually increase frequency plus length by choosing different areas to walk.  Also want to get back to chair yoga, I found the movements plus the meditation aspects good.

Advocacy is an important role that lot of people don’t realise.  Woman I know, who also self isolates and has cats for company, volunteers for a wildlife rescue group.  Volunteers are rostered over 24/7 to take phone calls from people and then relay the information to relevant area.

feeling flat and didn’t want to get out of bed this morning.  Yesterday went to presentation that was to be 1hr Falls and Prevention which I was looking forward to.  2 speakers came, one spoke for approx 30mins on falls etc.  other spoke for approx 1hr about incontinence.

 Email yesterday from business I’ve been dealing with (a cemetery trust).  To be able to continue what I hoped to have done, due to info on stat dec I would need to sign, I’m having to consider whether to request copies of legal documents and lots of investigations.

ive been given same info twice now whereas elderly cousin in her late 80’s is disputing it, saying she has been told different info.  Couple other thing my cousin has recently said don’t align with my knowledge.  Based on things she has mentioned about her kids wanting to sell her home I can’t risk mentioning my concern to her daughter.

im heading out soon to take some items to op shop which will help make bit of space in the garage.  

somehow found website last night that goes through lots of items all under the heading “what are common things to talk about in therapy”.  atm feeling like I’ve hit brick wall with therapy and I’m not having at least equal level of what happens each session.  Eg last session I said at the start I had item I wanted to explore. Comment was acknowledged with therapist focusing on events etc since last face to face few mths earlier.  

have you had chance to start to try to sort out the mix up by your counsellor?

what’s happening with your home help?

is it a council issue or issue with the person?

[Dimity]

I try to walk daily @Former-Member . I've doubled my distance compared to prior to surgery. 

My Aged Care isn't very helpful with short-term help but I'm now on CHSP. 2 of the things I was referred for I couldn't find providers. 2 more things the provider is problematic. Home help , council kept saying they had trouble with rosters. I had trouble with 2 of the people,  a lady who always said I shouldn't be getting help, and a man who admitted he didn't know how to clean and accidentally dismantled my shower door. Now I'm starting again on a new day but they rang at the last minute a fortnight ago to change the time and it clashed with a vital solicitor's appointment and I haven't heard back since. 

Chair yoga sounds good. I'd have trouble with floorwork. 

That sounds very difficult with your cousin and the cemetery trust. 

I'm procrastinating about getting back to the counsellor.  I need the help but if she can't read a referral or configure her software or listen to the several times I raised the issue of my MHCP details it's pretty hopeless.

40 years? Sounds like your adult life. It's just over 40 years since my first big breakdown but I guess I'd always had problems from early and continuing trauma. I hope your therapy helps. A few years ago there was a chap on the forums who was a senior addressing long-standing issues. He was a great contributor. 

[Former-Member]

@Dimity   My FIL through the council had home cleaner.  Only negative thing he ever mentioned was how often he would get a new lady.  During 4mths one year I know he had 2 different ladies.  He was always happy with whoever came though.  I would have thought people applying to do the job would have to have evidence of their knowledge and level of cleaning.

totally understandable about the counsellor.  Has she been able to fix her mess so you can get the sessions covered by MHCP?

schema therapy I have found helpful, my psychologist still trying different options to try to allow my brain to fully process all components of it.  Even so, I’m feeling I need to move onto something different.  Following Research plus a post on here I’ve sent her an email asking about ACT, hoping we can discuss on Friday.  feel I need help with dealing with strong painful memories and emotions from events involving grief, earliest being when I was 9yo.

As far back as I can remember my normal involved parents who had aversion to finishing the inside of the house, cleaning and keeping things tidy.  No disrespect mean to anyone by the following, both also never getting rid of things.  2 of my mothers siblings had same traits.  Visitors meant a week of cleaning, not easy when only rooms that had floor coverings was the lounge room.  One of my jobs was cleaning pedestal handbasin and bath, both only cleaned small number of times a year.

Going through my mums things after she passed away I found things that she had kept for decades including greeting cards than were 50+ years old. 

knowledge has improved over the decades regarding children’s mental health.  After my mum passed away I had black thoughts about ending everything.  Local dr referred me to my first psychiatrist who, based on things I described to him, said Ihe fully believed I developed Separation Anxiety whilst in primary school.  I was mid 40’s by that stage.  

my psychologist has said control issues is something common with childhood age.  Children that didn’t get chance to have control or input into things.  As adults, inappropriate control is nothing unusual.  Something that rings true for me.

I’ve gone back to writing list for today.  Have essential things to get done and I know list will help with that.

cold, overcast and rainy morning so far.  Perfect day to get things inside done.

tomorrow morning going to presentation by Travellers Aid.  Hoping enough other people have indicated they are interested. If not, presentation will be cancelled.  Public transport, especially trains, another area that causes anxiety.    Tomorrow afternoon pain management post procedure review appointment.

[Former-Member]

@Dimity 

Funny highlight of today.

my female was sitting intently looking outside through the backdoor.  From the angle she was in I thought she had spotted a bird.

gust of wind saw her head move.

It was a leaf.

she was quietly chirping whilst intently watching the wind blow, at first one leaf which grew over time to many, leaves soon after the rain started which spoilt all her fun, and my entertainment 😂 

[Former-Member]

@tyme   Pain management information.  Couple days of slight pain near injection sight, was advised is normal.  Pain aspect, first procedure gave me zero normal pain for approximately 4 days.  By now, lower back pain almost as bad as it was prior to procedure.

tomorrow afternoon I have post procedure review with pain management Dr.  currently waiting to hear when next procedure (Radiofrequency ablation) to be done, possibly within next 4 to 6 weeks.  Pain management Dr wanting to have at least 6 week gap between 2nd and 3rd procedures

due to mix of different things, emotions running high, teary, not getting quality sleep, more and more days not wanting to get out of bed

[Dimity]

Love the story about your girl and the leaves @Former-Member .

Good luck with pain management specialist.  Your feelings are very understandable re depression and motivation, especially when you're fully aware of past troubles as they're all surfacing with your therapy. 

I have current problems front and centre atm but have been experiencing resonance and reminders with past experiences at times. 

I haven't been in touch with therapist again yet. Had a difficult day. 

I should try to practice gratitude more - there's a set called rose rose thorn bud - two things you're thankful for, something negative or harmful you acknowledge,   and something you're looking forward to. 

Do you enjoy diversions during the day - movies, music, reading? I often (too much really) turn to my screen especially for current affairs as it's easier to read than print. There's so much happening in the world. I'd really like to return to reading but don't allocate time for it.

[Former-Member]

@Dimity  I’m finding reading doesn’t help distract my mind.  My days are a mix of doing something then having a rest.  I rotate between items on fb, playing games on my iPad, working on a brick bear and sitting on the couch (sometimes with a cat).  Tends to also depend on whether is good or bad day.  I need to go back to listening to some dvds.

yesterday was not a good day.  Simple task of unloading dishwasher caused lots of pain.  My mind thinks I can do things, atm my body has other ideas.  Some times that side of things gets too much

last week measured and wrote down sizes of raised garden beds I would like. 2 large oblong for back fence.  3 small square for back corner, 1 bit taller than the other 2.  Need to check will they fit and look ok.  Fingers crossed can get them made next year

was lovely laying in bed listening to the rain during the night.  Joints not happy this morning, time for heat packs, blanket over me, feet on ottoman.

text message from pain management group, appointment with Dr today changed from in person to Telehealth.  Yeah!!  Appointment in person means 45min drive one way and parking fees.

’current problems’ - bank …. Legal …. Somethings else?

im wanting to continue dealing with the mess in my garage.  Improvement I’ve made this week has helped my head.  

better get dressed and email pain diary to pain management group first.

[Former-Member]

@Dimity @tyme   Appointment with psychologist tomorrow afternoon.

next appointment with psychologist booked for 3 October going to need to be cancelled.

booking made by Pain Management group for 2 October for 2nd procedure with over night stay.

After tomorrow, possibly have 1 or 2 more appointment with psychologist this year and then nothing until February with new MHCP.

[Dimity]

I find rain calming too @Former-Member .

It's great your next procedure is only 3 weeks away. Hopefully not too many bad days in the interim. 

I guess one thing to consider might be separation of raised beds so grass/weeds in the gaps are manageable. Someone in the men's group might be able to help you plan and measure, to make best use of materials. I think I might need to post an Airtasker job to get my backyard plants I don't want, dug out. 

I think I might leave following things up with my therapist until I've seen my gp. My family stuff is an ongoing worry and a bit complicated. 

I've done a bit of decluttering today. I had a new home help but she doesn't expect to be ongoing, contrary to what I was told. I'm tired, my anxiety has been draining, but I'll walk before dark.

Hopefully your psychologist can fill you in on ACT if you're interested. I think it also involves accepting and letting go of what you can't control. Something I'm not good at, I can worry for hours about what to do to change things.

[Former-Member]

@Dimity   Neighbour who was going to make the raised garden beds for me suggested putting the garden beds in front of wire trellis that is on back fence. That would leave a space between the beds.  His idea was then to put something in the gap.

Units all have small area of stone stones against the back fence, mine is approx 50cm wide. Between back wall and the stone is artificial grass. Initial thoughts garden beds to be 60cm wide on outside, 90cm high.  Length 120 to 150cm.  I like idea of 1 medium height bed with 2 shorter beds, 1 each side with birdbath in front of medium height bed, allowing space between them.

i got bit of sorting and tidying in the garage done including fastening tops of opened potting mix.  20mins better than nothing.

with now seeing psychologist one each 4 weeks (I’ve been seeing her once a fortnight) plus so close to end of calendar year, don’t know if is best idea to start different therapy.  Will talk with her tomorrow.

im getting better at not worrying about and/or blaming myself for things out of my control.  Easily triggered when mention of 3 people who passed away decades ago.

understandable your feelings and your anxiety due to the things you are trying to deal with.  Family can be a blessing, can also cause the biggest heartaches and issues.   Going through that painful lesson currently.

one step at a time with the home help.  You might get pleasant surprise when next one comes.  Be nice to have crystal ball at times.

no croquet tomorrow 🙁. Due to other things happening this week decision was made to cancel all croquet matches tomorrow.  Good opportunity to try to put all the clean towels away