I think my wife has NPD please help ! i cant take it anymore :(
Hi Everyone I’ll try and cut a long story as short as possible when i met my wife i was besotted and didn’t detect the obvious issues, her mother most definably had a NPD, my wife was ignored and made to feel little whilst her brother was doted on, her farter walked on egg shells around her mother who had been beaten down to an obedient puppy lavishing her with attention but receiving none. I come from a loving family and picked up on this quite quickly , he made all the meals did all the washing as well as working full time but when he came in from work no one even said hello to him , he just came in and got on with his chores. My wife understandably was keen to move out so at the age of 21 we got a house together, it soon became apparent that she was acting just like her mother – I was pressured in to ignoring my friends and distancing myself from my family and hobbies . by her continual put downs of them. I threatened leaving her many times but I was bow beaten with tears and promises of her changing her ways, that she never did !, but I still loved her then she got pregnant and though her moods became worse and her lack of affection,sex and love dwindled to nothing I stayed for my 2 daughters . both my children have now reached teenage years and have had to deal with their mums constant barrage, they always came to me for affection, sympathy and love and asked me to leave with them on many occasions. As my girls reached teenage years I suffered with a back injury and was put on an opium based pain killer , taking this subdued my desire for attention, sex or an kind of affection, as I reached the end of my prescription I was brow beat in to continuing the prescription by my wife as she realised that it reduced my willingness to argue or stand up for my kids After 2 years I finally managed to stop taking the drug and my emotions all returned, however as my children have now got older they no longer look to me for attention or affection so I am left feeling empty and alone , when confronting my wife I just get knocked back and told I’m to needy. I so want to escape, I miss the simple things an hello when I walk through the door, or someone asking me how my day has been or even a cuddle when I feel down. however I feel after all this time I may myself have now become numb to affection and Sympathy. If I won the lottery I would be off in a flash, or if met someone else but my social circle is very, very small. From what I can tell she fits all the criteria for a Vunerable / Covert Narcissist though while she can feel no empathy whatsoever she does not in any way have an excessive interest in herself or admiration of herself in fact she lacks any self-confidence whatsoever and hates how she looks and feels she believes she has never done well enough, she always brings her mother up when she has had alcohol and breaks down in tears even at 42 years old. Though for any of her friends who complement her she devotes all her time to, constantly texting and lavishing up their admiration
My real question is , is what do I do ? does she really have NPD with her lack of showing a grandiose opinion of herself ?
There’s a lot more I could say but to me it all just confirms that she has some form of NPD
Children of a narcissistic parent carry many scars which can affect them all their lives - a form of PTSD, some show traits you have described, there are many articles about this on the internet and this may be helpful to you.
Can I gently suggest that what you can do is get some support for yourself. "Self care" is necessary and this takes on different forms for each of us. A counselor might be able to help.
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