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Casual Contributor

Lonely as a carer

So many other posts seem so harder than mine, it almost seems indulgent of me to seek support. But I still do!

I know when things are bad for him when his voice is cold to me. I knew 30 years ago things weren't right with him and I chose to stick with him. Just a very lonely life sometimes. He falls out with others so most friends fade away


Re: Lonely as a carer


It is not indulgent to seek support.  Relationships are often difficult for people with MI and despite wanting friendships they often push people away.  


A little bit different to parent/child or siblings, couples do tend to have the same group of friends and some find it difficult to go places without the other. This is where an interest group can be helpful. Going to a craft group, garden club, exercise class etc without ones significant other is a great place to meet like minded people and heading out for coffee with one or more of the bowling/ bridge/ etc girls can be a path to a friendship. 


It is often hard to take that first step and go to something, but I have found that when I do, I have found there are others out there in need of a friend.





Re: Lonely as a carer

Hey there @Bobkat  I am sorry to hear of this loneliness you hold. We hear you and want you to know you're not alone among this community Heart


As with @Darcy, skill based hobbies can be a really good form of self care and generally a potential outlet for socialising. It's important you feel supported too, not just your husband. Feel free to phone the SANE Help Centre weekdays between 10am-10pm if you want a confidential chat with the counsellors too, we're here to listen.


Re: Lonely as a carer

hi @Bobkat and welcome
being a carer can be very lonely and isolating sometimes esp when life seems to be on repeat. same things different day sort of thing.
would joining a carers group or other interest group be helpful? some time just for you to spend time with friends as well.

Re: Lonely as a carer

How are things going @Bobkat ?


Re: Lonely as a carer


Re: Lonely as a carer

Hello @Bobkat 

I am just about to delete this post as you or other might find it irrelevant..


it is heartbreaking for me..

I too feel that I am on the outer in regards to the carer definition even though I am repeatedly told otherwise..

my family member has been reported missing again and my connection via mobile transforms from hello response hello how are you...I am stressed...then...I need money..or any or many deflammatory comments about certain people .as far as world wide..

we feel alone and question...

yet I have a sense that we are not alone...

our health system in this country is archaic when it comes to matters of the mind...

this country can learn so much from the nordic countries.,..

I just now have learnt to set personal boundaries at the same time reinforcing my love which normally is not heard...

it is a totally different world that is inexplainable yet we do the best we can.

we love..


Re: Lonely as a carer

Hi @Bobkat, I too feel the same as you..... my husband suffers from anxiety and panic attacks and has gone off his meds for depression. I feel as if he relies on me totally and it is exhausting. Last night I spoke about something I saw in Bunnings that would look good in our lounge room - just a suggestion and then it started... all night, and I mean all night he was waking me up asking me what I needed him to work on, the deck, the loungeroom... what!!!! From one little comment, he turned it into a major situation.  I too feel like I have to walk on eggshells and it is way easier to be at school teaching than dealing with watching everything i say..... I am so exhausted. I also chose to stay about 30 years ago but as I get older I'm not able to cope as well as I used to...... feel like, is this all there is?

Sorry have not been much help to you, but feel better writing it all down.


Re: Lonely as a carer

How are you going @Bobkat  @sharnie 


Re: Lonely as a carer

thanks Darcy for asking.... really and truthfully not going too well.  Life is so complicated, one thing gets better and another aspect of your life takes a nosedive. This isolation has been a positive with my husband and he seems settled and in control now (still anxious etc but not out of control) but I now spend all my time worrying about my son. He lives next door as he moved there to help his dad around the house and yard to be a support. However, he also suffers from anxiety and he had a terrible weekend with alcohol and usually i would not know about it and therefore not be concerned, but living next door i know everything..... and I feel stressed all day every day.  Just writing in this forum is a help as it gets it out of your brain and just gives relief..... i can't do anything about my son - he is married and usually very good to have around but definitely not at the moment. Why can't I just switch off...... ?

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