Lived Experience Forum

[Zoe7]

That is a really hard place to be sitting @Razzle You have certainly had a lot going on for a long time and that all takes its toll. Give yourself this time and space to find yourself a little again Hon and then make those decisions about your marriage. I know you have been having couples counselling and also there is a lot of your past that is haunting you also - one of those things would be enough for anyone but you are dealing with both the past and the present all at once - that is never easy. Life just plain sucks sometimes so allow yourself time to work through a little of this and then see where you stand in amongst it all.

[Razzle]

@Zoe7   I agree, there is too much going on.  I’m not handling the past at

all, I kept a lid on it for so long and now I dont feel like I have any control at all.  I’m clearly not handling the present either, everything’s a whirl pool at the

moment.

it looks like mum is making a move for bed, I’ll get her settled and try for some sleep myself.  I’ll check in again tomorrow.  Thanks for the chat ❤️

[Zoe7]

It is so hard when the past comes back and collides with our present also - very much hearing you on that front @Razzle  Hoping for some sleep for you tonight too and I'll check in with you tomorrow Hon. Goodnight 

[Maggie]

@Razzle  Reading through your, yesterday and things sound really difficult, on so many levels for you.

Its good your mums meds are getting sorted and that she managed a small amount to eat.

I hope the vsit  from hubby doesn’t make things worse for you.

I know the feeling of dragging led with every step. Thinking of you today.

[Ali11]

Sending love @Razzle and hope the cafe visit goes well today 

[Razzle]

@Zoe7 @Maggie @Ali11 @Flying_Hams @BlueBay 

Managed a bit of sleep last night, had some weird dreams though, but nothing to do with the vision.  

Got mum to eat 1 piece of toast for breakfast, it seems to be a battle every meal time and it’s wearing me down.  

Today I’m feeling very flat.  I thought I may have been able to get mum out of the house (and me) for a bit, maybe go for a coffee somewhere, but she’s revelling in her own little self-pity party and won’t go anywhere.  I left her to her own devices in the lounge this morning while I sat in the kitchen doing my BAS statement.  She’s been very snappy and snarly lately too.

Come lunch time I asked what she wanted and straight away she said she didn’t want anything and I lost it - I asked her what the f*ck is going on?  Are we going to do battle every time it’s meal time, I asked her if she wanted me to move out because I don’t know what to do any more.  I told her she’s been snapping and snarling for the last few days and then I burst into tears.  She followed me around the kitchen while I was trying to prepare lunch, I bawled the whole time - and just like that she flicked the switch and became an entirely different person.  She was trying to make conversation and trying to sound upbeat but it’s completely tipped me over the edge.

For the first time since I moved in I feel unappreciated and totally trapped.  I feel like this is it for me, this is as good as it’s going to get.  I can’t get my own shit together while I’m dealing with all of hers, my husbands, my son and everything going on with him.  There’s got to be more to life than this 

[Zoe7]

This is just one of those really tough situations that you only need to get through minute by minute @Razzle There is so much going on for you and if you try to deal with it all in its entirity it will completely encompass you. You are with your Mum at the moment and that is where you should concentrate your energy - the rest will wait Hon. It won't go away but you cannot deal with it all at once.

It is not great that it took for you to cry and lose it that your Mum showed at least a little appreciation but hoping that changes her attitude and makes it a little easier for you. No doubt this is all wearing you down but we here can see just how much you are giving despite what you are personally going through - never easy but you are doing it. Minute by minute, hour by hour and day by day - just do what you need to do when you need to do it and lean on us here throughout as well. I know that is not the same as having support in real life but we are here for you to help you through this.

Many hugs and much love coming your way Hon 

[Maggie]

@Razzle  That sure is a lot for one person to have to deal with. Is there any way you can get a break, even a coffee out somewhere you like to go. Sending kind thoughts your way. 💕💕

[Flying_Hams]

@Razzle 🙏

[Ali11]

So sorry to hear that day went that way with mum @Razzle  Hopefully that kitchen conversation and mum seeing how upset you were will help her begin to be more aware of how she is around you. Every day you need to make sure you take some time for you, even if it's only 15 minutes. Some time to reflect and focus on you is so important when you're feeling under the deluge of everyone elses needs. You have such a good heart to be caring for everyone at once, please remind yourself of that