What concerns me.

[PeppiPatty]

Hello,
how are you?
I enjoy writing here because it's anonymous and I always feel 'heard,'
the real reason why I came onto Sane forums is because I have a problem I need to discuss and if I speak about it to one of my friends, I feel that they will dismiss it without giving it much thought.

My problem is that my current boyfriend is speaking to me about me returning to work but I truly do not know if I can manage it. I am not quite sure what to do because I would like to as well but I'm worn out. I feel like I'm pushing myself and I don't want to.

He won't mind terribly if I didn't though. But these are the factors why I am so worn out.

About 13 months ago, I left my second husband. We had known each other since we were 12years old. So, though he had been diagnosed with Chronic Paranoid Schizophrenia at 19 years old, we were both focused on getting me help so -we (mainly me with his blessing )were active with certain organisations. I was also doing volunteer work for Mental Health in the state We live in.

I met my current boyfriend not long ago. When I met him, I was absolutely in a numb place.... I was fighting the psychiatric hospital ............ ( people's names) at the inattention they had given my darling husband and.... It was like all the stress I had been going through for many years came tumbling around my body. I was even speaking backwards! True! We were friends for about six months .... Only eight months after leaving my husband....and recently decided to make a go of it, to be together.

When I first met my current boyfriend, I had crashed on the lounge room couch and could barely talk. The people who lived around me were turning up for about three months and cleaning my place up, sometimes even cooking for me.

In the past, the stresses I had encountered in my life, it was like I never felt any pain or stress, I was always on auto pilot. At 15 years old 1983, I was hit by a car on a crosswalk, got brain damage and in a coma for six weeks. In 1983, there wasn't much understanding of head injuries, but I dealt with it via study and many years of Psychotherapy. At the time.. Boy... My Mum had disappeared out of my life until 2003 because she couldn't stand the stress. In fact this is very painful for me to write but she doesn't like me very much. .1989' I got married the first time.... My youngest son was then ill with a tumour. Again I didn't feel anything but I managed these stresses and was ferociously working, ferociously studying, ferociously being a good enough mother. I began therapy when I was in my eArly 20s because of problems with my anxiety and my well being.

Fast forward to 2006, my oldest son moved to live with my brother in Queensland, he was having a difficult time with his Father,,,, (first marriage divorce when children were young). I worked, as a carer for all aged groups, studied, took my youngest son to hospital and coped. I didn't know how to take care of myself but I did have psychotherapy.

Then a miracle. My son got better. He moves in with my Mum, she's come home to live. They get along very well. I'm so happy about that. About 7 months later, I remet my second husband and for the next two and half years we got together, got married but divorced out of difficulties.

And when he was going through some awful difficulties, I started feeling this stress that was physically affecting me. I was devastated. I so wanted to be there for him. But I started to learn how to take care for myself

Since then, my poor oldest son has been diagnosed with mental ill health issues. I fly over to Queensland once a year to tell him I love him and we play backgammon.

Now I'm in a dilemma, I was approved Disability pension, But I want to also work but most days, I can barely keep my unit clean.

Can anyone comment ?
THanks.

[NikNik]

Hi Justanother47yr,

I'm so glad that you feel heard in this forum and feel comfrotable enough to share your concerns and story with us.

So if I understand you right, your boyfriend is encouraging your to go back to work, and you want to go back to work, but feel like you're not ready yet. It sounds like you have a really understanding boyfriend. Have you discussed your real feelings about this with him?

Heading back to work is a big jump if you don't feel prepared for it. But could this be a gradual goal for you to work towards? You have already made the first few steps!

1) A desire to return to work

2) Being aware of your hurdles

3) Talking to people (us!) about it

Could you keep going and plan some next steps to work towards going back to work? They could be steps that take weeks, months or even a year -but having a roadmap in place and being able to tick off your achievements along the way, could be really useful? For example, your next step might be contacting recruitment agencies that understand your situation.

I'm not sure where you're located, but some services that you may find helpful include;

SoFA: Based in VIC. Social Firms Australia is a not-for-profit business with a purpose to create accessible employment for people facing barriers to work as a result of mental illness or disability http://www.socialfirms.org.au

Job Access: National. JobAccess is a free information and advice service about the employment of people with mental illness http://jobaccess.gov.au/

I'm sure there's more.

If this seems like too much of a leap right now, that's fine! Maybe you could fill in the steps between now & contactings services such as the above. Even if it turns out that you decide not to work, creating small steps will help you figure that out.

It sounds like you've been through a lot & it's great to hear you have support you around you at the moment & are very well aware of your own self care ( I have read in another thread I think, that you like sewing?)

Like I said, you have made the first few steps, & I hope you continue to make more!

If anyone else reading this has had similar experiences, please feel free to post!

[Hobbit]

Hi justanother47yr,

Thank you so much for sharing your story. On reading it, I am very touched.

I'm not one to give advice, but I can say that upon reading your post, and all the things you have been through, the very fact that you are still going, and reaching out to people such as in this forum, really shows some amazing strength. You must be a pretty amazing person, and you should be proud of that.

I read all the things you have been through, not from the negative point of view, but from the positive point of view BECAUSE YOU GOT THROUGH THEM! That alone says to me that you have great perserverance and character.Pat yourself on the back!

Regarding working, would you consider maybe working just one day a week, doing something fairly easy to manage? I once did that when I was in a bad stage, and I found it really helped to lift my self-esteem. I know Centrelink encourages people on DSP to do this, so you would not have them to worry about. The other possibility you could consider is maybe volunteering one day a week somewhere. I have done this too, and I can very confidently say that helpling others can be really good therapy for yourself. 

I think the fact that you are reaching out to peoplle is a really positive sign, and I would like to leave you with these words - there is always hope. Please keep in touch and let us know how you're doing.

[PeppiPatty]

Hi you two, NikNik and The Hobbit.

I just want to type that I've belonged to many groups and did mental ill health volunteer work for two years with an advocacy group until recently, about 6 weeks ago I left.

I was thinking that I can finish some studies I did, I dearly want to work in Welfare. But only one or two days. Thankyou for the places you gave me. Where I live, I am going to a job agency tomorrow called Ors.
I can't tell you how much your contact means to me but it means a lot.

I sew dolls. It feels like I'm 'sewing pieces of my life together.'
I paint.

I feel, when you take care of yourself, if you arrange some words around about what it does for you, it seems more valid. so I got 'sewing pieces together.' Myself
I'm sewing pieces together of my life together.

Can you also arrange words around what you do??
It certainly helps me out to keep stable.

[Hobbit]

Hi Justanother47yo,

That's nice. How's this? I write songs. When I write a song, I feel like I'm creating something out of nothing.

They are my words - 'creating something out of nothing'

Metaphorically, I like to think it's what we do each day. A new day, a new start, we wake up and create each new day out of nothing.

[PeppiPatty]

Hi hobbit,
I liked reading that....
I will admit, the last 2 weeks have been pretty feral but got my police clearance form in the mail to properly start thinking about working.

I log on here and read what's happening for support and that I feel I'm part of a community.

[PeppiPatty]

Hi Nik Nik,

As usual, Im overdoing it and getting another psych assessment soon. but just to let you know that .......
1. The shame I felt when the GP said ,'would you mind getting another psych assessment? Are you okay seeing a Psychologist?

Because I've got this plan to work but I don't thnk I can.
This is crazy.....I used to work over 50 hours per week, there was so much going on in my life and now.....I. Getting slower and slower and it feels like I'm being told to care for myself all the time (which is good)

[Hobbit]

Hi Justanother47yr,

I think if you don't feel like you can work, well that's OK. It reminds me of when I was trying to do university, and it got to the stage where I didn't feel like I could do it anymore, and to be honest I haven't gone back yet. But what I realised if, uni or no uni, I'm still Hobbit, and that's the thing.

For me, I think "taking it easy on yourself" doesn't mean just "don't work yet, don't do that and that, etc" it really means "don't stress if you can't". That's what helped me anyway. SO what if you have to have another assessment? Just have one. For me, I find my strengths actually lie in knowing my limitations.

This is what I honestly think - the justanother47yr that I have come to know on these forums is a wonderful caring person, and will still be the same wonderful caring person regardless if things like work, or assessments, or anything else. That won't change who you are. Believe me, you're great.

Hobbit.

[Alessandra1992]

Hello Justanother..

Hmmm I am wondering if you are second guessing yourself a bit. From what I have read, you want to work in the community services sector, awesome, which you have been doing via voluntary work over the past few years.
So that's a bit of a key strength..knowing the industry you would like to get some paid work in😄

Question: what is your greatest fear around work?

Is it any of the following I wonder..
1) not feeling confident in work as it has been a while since you worked
2) not burning out by overdoing it to start with and maybe
3) not wanting to jeapordise your DSP as let's face it, the DSP is hard to qualify for and it does make medications and medical care affordable...

So if the issues were around the DSP, well I am you can work for up to 15 hours a week without your DSP being affected. So that means no more than 2 days a week working.

If the issues were around potential burnout..could you consider taking your time finding an employer who gets that lived experience workers need positive discrimination in terms of flexibility around hours and leave at times if our health goes a bit off kilter..

Lastly, around confidence..well that's something that maybe your psychologist can help you with...because that's the hardest one, to believe in your own abilities and strengths..but if you won't believe yourself, believe what we are reflecting back to you, and clearly we all think you can do it!

With regard to the psych assessment, is that part of a DSP review? I don't think your GP intended any offence by asking if you would consider seeing a psychologist, and a good psychohistory is worth their weight in gold! Especially around managing our unhelpful thoughts or feelings...

There is no rush to return to work, it's great you are thinking about it and fingers crossed, some opportunities cross your path.

What kind of work were you thinking about? You can find lots of different kinds of positions in the community services sector at wwww.job seeker.org.au or google ethical jobs.

You can browse through all listing in a particular state, or try using the keywork search. There are also listings for voluntary jobs too, just not sure where..

[Hobbit]

Thanks Alessandra1992,

Great advice.

Another really good job site I look at is EthicalJobs.com.au

They have heaps of community related jobs, casual, volunteer, everything. Worth a look.

Hobbit.