Alone

[Huggle]

Hi mg88,

I am a mother who has done shared custody in different time/ways  over the years. I have two young adult children and a 9 year old. I am also trying to work out ways to adjust and cope with the situation. I have to move away from my child (costs of living, no suitable work hours, got evicted) so what I have done is look for community groups I can join to make friends and give me something to get up to go to when we move locations which is more hours away from my child. I look at study I can do on campus to also network and feel a part of something. I cannot change what has happened but I know now my child is ok where she lives I definitely made sure of that. He can provide an enviroment that suits her and he can work jobs that work around her. In my last locations I didn't have the same opportunities as he has. I am unemployed atm, in the past I was working all the time, crazy hours, it wasn't good even though the pay was) then we had to move and I had a MH episode.

Regarding connections I call her each week and she is often busy (gaming, friends, park) I don't take it personally if she wants to hang up to go do her thing. I have her on school holidays she leaves tomorrow. Messenger has games that you can play together and bond also of that is a thing you could try. I was lucky that my ex decided that family court wasn't necessary if I am doing things to help my mental health and have support, so we agreed on school holidays with me as it works while I can't work for a few months.

I understand the difficulties and feeling isolated. Not many mothers decide to hand over majority custody but I have to stay healthy so I am able to chat and see them. So it's difficult to find others in my situation. There are a few Dads groups around try to find a positive one that helps you accept the situation as it is so you're not too hard on yourself. 

We watch a movie a night with popcorn as our thing the past two weeks. Personally, I have sought help with medication, sleeping and how to prevent another breakdown. Sharing here is a great step. I talk to her about school: teachers, upcoming camp, her new friends and being upbeat about what she is doing in her life in her new town.

I hope things begin to be more positive for you. Are there hobby groups you could try like mens shed? 

[holdinghope5]

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[mg88]

Thank you very for your message. You have done a great job dealing with the situation you are in. I totally understand those stresses that you had like housing job ect. Out of your control and making the most your doing the best things you could be I'm certain. 

My circumstances that were uncontrollable are different but at the same time it’s having me reflect, it doesn’t matter how different our circumstances what does if that they are uncontrollable. So we need to work around them. My worry is that my kids just simply don’t care for their father and that is one of my uncontrollable circumstances which points  to it being likely. (My ex actively seeking it).

So then I think I need to focus on a new connection but I worry it could impact my relationship with my kids. So I need to just be available for them. It’s a bit of a cycle for me. 

[SonicPixel]

Hey I feel your pain. I have 3 kids who I havnt seen for over 4 years in and out of family court. The stress is insane but the hope that one day I will get to see them is the reason I keep fighting. I am in Perth and feel everything is so slow and I seem to get no where. 

but keep fighting at worst your kids will see that you fought for them and that’s what’s important.