Lived Experience Forum

[esprit]

Can anyone give me advice on how to deal with feeling disconnected and lonely even when your around people all day and have some good friends. I've felt like this to varying degrees my whole life and have had twenty years of therapy but it never leaves me.

[Appleblossom]

Sometimes it helps me when I make friends with myself.  There are so many individual differences between humans it is can be rare to get a sense of feeling understood.  I try and acknowledge it when it happens, lean into the "spreading warmth & understanding for others" ... PLOUGH.

Often things are not reciprocated for various reasons ... it may not be anyone's fault ... but just the way it is ... then we have to be our own best friend.

With disconnect .. I see positives in it as well as negaitves .. for example, it helps me be calm & analytical & useful when everyone else is running around with their heads chopped off.

Finding a balance in honouring our own selves ... there are a few books being published about the positives of being introverted .. which I just love.

[Sahara]

@esprit,

I'm just wondering if there is anything you do feel connected to- like nature, or animals or art or music or anything else? 

What is that feeling like? Can you describe it?

[esprit]

Hi I work at a job where I'm on my feet all day and do 10 hours a day sometimes more. I'm exhausted a lot. I'm trying to find some balance but all I want to do is rest when I come home. Bit of a bad cycle that's contributing to my isolation I know.

[Sahara]

Yes @esprit, 

being exhausted all the time could prevent you from feeling connected to people. I know the feeling from the past, when I used to work 11 and 12 hour days. 

Forging connections with other people takes time and effort, you have to put some thought into it or it just dosen't happen... at least in my case it doesn't.  If you are too exhaused it would be very difficult to have deep, engaging and revealing conversations with your significant others. 

If this kind of thing goes on too long, you could end up dissatified with life because all you do is work, rest and sleep.

[esprit]

Yes your right. I have no real significant others unfortunately. Basically alone. I will just keep plodding along. Luckily I have some good friends but don't like to burden them so I keep a lot of stuff to myself which creates a disconnect in me. It's hard to balance.

[Former-Member]

Hi Jar, its a lonely place, not having anyone who puts you first, a significant other... And your work, no wonder you're 'peopled out' at the end of the day. You need to find ways to keep your energy levels functional, for your needs, not just work and money.

I can also relate to not feeling connected, even in a crowd. Introverts love not connecting much in crowds - think I need to key some of those BKS Apple mentioned.

Having to handle 'empty nest' on my own, without partner, close friend or good family, really bought this to the fore for me. Crippling really, the only relief I found, something to could control, was starting to feel good in my own skin.

I'm with Apple on this, the only thing that starts to bring back a sence of connection gor me was learning about and practising 'self-compassion' - being your own best friend - having an authentic giving connection with yourself. Sounds weird at first but it works. Russ Harris has a good book called "Reality Slap" that helps us reconnect with self, he gives some practical exercises.

Self compassion helps us meet our own emotional needs. The amazing spinoff is it actually helps us then connect with others, as if we I just needed to relearn how.

Hugzz xox

[esprit]

Thanks I'll definitely get that book. Don't know but maybe that's what the universe is trying to teach me. Self care. Xxxx

[Zuflae]

Do things like going out for a walk or listening to music help you feel connected to something?

I know it probably seems like a stupid suggestion but I've found that listening to music in particular doing even while feeling as lonely as hell seems to help feel like there's something around and I guess it gives you something else to think about as well. And just being outside walking and noticing the stuff around me seems to help make me feel more calm generally.