Lived Experience Forum

[Shazab]

Just struggling a bit yesterday, given the kinds of posts that are normally on here my life should be a walk in the park, but still just longing for an ending to some degree. I'm being vague aren't I. So much light and beauty in the world so why would I long for oblivion? Maybe I'm just recognizing my unworthiness in the face of I don't even know what, anyway today is a new day so I'll do stuff and see where I get, found an interesting support group so if that's still running might if I'm lucky could give me a little more clarity, would be very interested if anyone had similar stuff going on, everything's just so vague and ephemeral for me in MH terms, emotional state doesn't reflect that though even though I don't seem to show it usually, ah sweet torment, don't even know

[Sahara]

Hi @Shazab,

it sounds like you are going through a time of questioning and searching. It can be a struggle, especially when It's difficult to put things into words.  

One thing I can say is that you are not unworthy. You deserve every happiness, you have worth and you deserve to be heard.

I think going to a support group is a good idea. Sometimes just sharing your feelings can be enough. You don't have to find all the answers straight away. Do something to nurture yourself today.

And let us know how you are going.

[zenman55]

For me, being mentally ill makes me TIRED. I don't actually feel deeply depressed so much as dog tired of putting one foot in front of the other day after day. I'd just like to stop sometimes and sleep for a week. This is NOT suicidal ideation in my case so much as a very rational reaction all to the constant struggle.

My advice? Prescribe yourself a little beauty each day in a conscious way. Listen to a Beatles song, walk to a bakery and smell it, go out into nature and watch a spider spin a web, go into a fabric shop and casually feel different textures, buy one piece of gourmet chocolate and eat it fully consciously. Become a hunter of great beauty and you'll start to find it everywhere.

[Zuflae]

It's funny how we readily compare ourselves to others when we're feeling down with comments like this one "my life should be a walk in the park". Yet those moments when we are happy we don't compare our happiness to others to invalidate it - it's like we feel as though we have no "right" to be down about stuff but everyone has something that they're struggling to deal with in their own way and it's not about comparing struggles to see who has more ownership of it than another.

It's tiring enough struggling through mental health issues without adding a considerable helping of guilt to yourself by telling yourself you shouldn't be feeling this way because there's others doing worse than you. You just need to learn how to ride the waves of your emotions the best way you can and like others have suggested finding something that involves your senses can sometimes be the simplest yet most effective way to do this.

And connecting with people that "get" what you are talking about without judging is almost like striking gold. It doesn't necessarily fix anything but it makes you feel less like you don't really belong anywhere or fit in with others.

[esprit]

I feel exactly that way. Not seriously depressed but tired all the time. My best wishes to you x

[Shazab]

Thanks for relying @Saharah @zenman55 @Zuflae @esprit had an interesting day really, went to this support group and the people there were quite endearing although I didn't quite get what I was after I'll persevere with that group for a while, such interactions are so interesting and potentially meaningful and apparently this time was a small group which I am very comfortable with for my first. Hey @Saharah, I really do struggle with self expression somewhat, I think some concepts are just too hard to put into words and easy things to express are hard enough lol. Happiness is important, I don't know if I truly am happy but it seems like it? Worthiness is different though, who can claim worthiness for what we have, no one I've met I think, but who knows? But I do enjoy being able to express myself within my means here, I seem to be doing okay but not sure what the future holds at this point. I like that @zenman55 and I think there was a very great deal of beauty in my day, I don't really get that tired myself kind of like I don't get hungry perhaps? But then life seems to allow me to fulfill such needs as food and sleep mostly at the moment. Sorry I forgot the chocolate and got beer instead 😉 normally don't enjoy alcohol but whatever. Did listen to some awesome songs but don't have Beatles though Abbey Road has certainly impressed me. You're absolutely right, beauty is everywhere for those that have eyes to see. What you say is correct @Zuflae to quote Metallica 1 mans fun is anothers hell so what point is there in comparison between people on some level. On some level I just feel I could have achieved so much more I guess but it is what it is, and you really don't know what influence you have on the lives you touch anyway. I'm quite an auditory person so much of the beauty of today was experienced on that level but I'd be very interested to engage touch on that level so I'll keep that in mind, having some masochistic tendencies seeking simple pleasant feelings could certainly be quite interesting psychologically. I'm also blessed right now to have found in such an unlikely situation such a friend, truly life is most mysterious to me. Hey @esprit, I'm in such a strange state that I couldn't even say with certainly that I'm depressed, you'd think I should be though, but certainly the last month has been the most stress I have experienced in a long time, I like to feel intense things though I think it gives life some authenticity? God bless you all for caring enough to comment on my ramblings

[darrenhayes]

Happiness is unique thing to have
Are you content
My guess is u need to sift through all ur thoughts
Into a few or several sentences
Who knows, clear up ur thoughts then see how you feel , I'm thinking of you

[Heart]

Hello @Shazab and all others wonderful supporters. Having mental illness is tiring to start with. Trying to deal with it makes you even more tired. Then working and dealing with house hold and family stuff makes you even more tired.

Take time out for you.

Smell the roses, have a mindful look around you, hear the birds, see the sunset, feel the texture of different things, breath in the fresh air, go for a walk, have a nap if needed, feel (what I call numb: not happy, not sad, can't quite work it out).

Just be aware of what or how you are feeling and seek help/support where needed or if unsure (as you did).

We are all normal and unique within ourselves and in our own way.

Take care of you:)

[Shazab]

Hey @darrenhayes asking me if I'm content is like asking pi if it's a number between 1 and infinity lol. Yeah thoughts are a strange sort of phenomenon aren't they, sometimes they're reactionary, sometimes they seem otherwise but I value them highly for whatever it's worth for many reasons, but I still find the concept of thought a little hard to define. Thanks @Heart there's nothing like simple pleasures really