Lived Experience Forum

[Metamorphic]

I found out as an adult that I was donor conceived in the eighties.  I was in shock when I found out.  This helped to explain why something felt 'off' when I was growing up.  And why my sibling and I were so unalike.  Why I had never felt a connection with my father who was an authoritarian stranger.  

I purchased a commercial DNA test about a decade later, finding half-siblings as well as my donor.  I met my donor.   What I found was an eccentric, arrogant man who thought so highly of himself that he donated spe_m (his gametes) 3 times weekly over 6 years.  With zero foresight regarding the mess that he was creating.  Everywhere I look, I see other adults who resemble me.  To top it off, my donor siblings and I have been plagued by chronic health issues our whole lives.  Debilitating depression, digestive system issues, ADHD, substance abuse, autism, psychoses, etc.  Our donor claims to have perfect genes and denies that our health issues are from him despite one of his own sons being hospitalised for serious mental health issues over the years.  

I struggle with waves of anger that ebb and flow.  Disgust.  I was first diagnosed with depression at around age 17.  I have no doubt that I am on the autism spectrum and have struggled my whole life due to not knowing same and not having strategies for navigating same.

To make things worse, our donor's partner actually specialises in working with people with autism and told my siblings and I that we 'shouldn't be putting labels on things' in response to our suspicion that we largely all have undiagnosed autism.  

I have been in touch with Donor Conceived Australia but they seem to just want to gag people who are DC.  If you talk to the media, it must be positive, not negative.  They want to control the narrative.  This is not helpful.

I live with the regret of having ever taken a DNA test.  I shouldn't have done this to my poor mother.  She brought me up and put in the hard yards.  Not this narcissistic man who has boasted about just how many people who are going to be at his funeral one day.  Not me.  That's for certain. 

I abused alcohol years ago but overcame this.  But some of my siblings are still battling substance abuse. 

I have hundreds of siblings out there.  Some of whom I will never meet.  I play in a community orchestra and am positive that there is at least one other person in there who is likely another half-sibling.  But you can't say anything of course.  

[Minkie-Rose]

Hi @Metamorphic 

Firstly, I admire your resilience in managing the multiple stressors in you life. Secondly, it is great to learn that you are seeking the support of your GP and social group (which we all need from time to time). And thirdly, a recognition your mother's devotion, highlights an underlying respect and love.

All of this traits provide you with an emotional and practical foundation for healing. 

It also seems that you are questioning having connected with your donor and this has manifested in some unwanted feelings. While not of your lived experience, I believe a curiosity to meet your donor could be found in most people in the same situation. In other words, a completely natural inclination.

Lastly, am proud to know many neurologically diverse people, who are some of the nicest and most authentic people I have met. Rather than relying on heresay, these people sought the opinion of medical specialists to confirm their status, and to establish how they can best use their unique attributes. I wonder have you considered this? I have also include a link to an organisation you might find useful.

About autism – Autism Spectrum Australia (Aspect)