~ The Toolshed ~

[tyme]

Hey @Mustang67 , while you wait for an appointment etc, have you looking into SANE recovery club? No pressure to join. Only if you are interested https://www.sane.org/recovery-club

[REDLINEZ750]

i support recovery club being a positive   pressure free   set up @Mustang67  just my 2 cents

[Bunniekins]

@Mustang67  @Dreamy   hi Mustang67 and Dreamy i wanted to support both of you but of course the support button wouldnt work.  you are both such brave strong women who have conquered so much for which you both should feel proud.  love to you both. bun xx

[Dreamy]

Awww thankyou my sweet @Bunniekins, you're also such a brave and strong woman and I'm so proud of you. Love you beautiful ❤️. 

[PeppyPatti]

Dearest @Mustang67 

I’ve discovered this  peaceful thing called Age. It’s age that allows you to own what you’ve done wrong

what you did just to survive.

@REDLINEZ750 @Bunniekins @Dreamy @Jynx @Glisten @ENKELI @TABDownMoreThan

There’s a young lady where I live who begs and spends her days hustling money , alcohol or drugs or food.  I get it. I see her, and I see who I was when my life was at its worst. 

@Cuddlebear Therapy types @tyme @Jynx @Ru-bee 

I remember that  feeling: thinking I was going to drown or die unless I had twenty dollars in my pocket.

It's the only point of control or certainty I could  hold onto when the rest of my/ your  life is a mess. Inside you. You feel this mess 

Upon reflection I’m ashamed to say the $20 wasn't really cash—

it was a guarantee that you could make it through the next hour. I’m so ashamed. I’m sorry. 

My chaos was everywhere: all the unfinished mess my family didn’t fill up. 

 If my home felt messy, I cleaned harder.

If I felt my children were missing out, I’d yell louder.

I only had time to hang up on people on the telephone; I had to leave first.

My story had to be the worst. The "shutup, my story is worse" mentality.

I am ashamed to admit. I feel a bit weak around my heart. 

After trauma therapy, I realised that while, in my head my story felt the worst, holding onto that was keeping me stuck. My past is over.

My responsibility now is to simply bury that past and focus on being the person I didn't think I could be. Im not academic I don’t need to compete like that because I was never that. It was my immediate families story but it’s not mine.

I’m allowed just to be maternal 

Sew quilts 

That’s enough. That’s everything 

I 

[Mustang67]

Thanks @tyme for the recommendation and link. I will take a look at it.

[PeppyPatti]

@Mustang67 You write so good. Thanks for letting us know after 6 years. Do you think you’re stronger and wiser than 6 years before ? 

[Mustang67]

@PeppyPatti definitely. I did two workshops that have really helped me. The first one was called "How to say NO". I have been a people pleaser up until 3 or 4 years ago. I would always put other people's needs before my own, even if it meant I suffered because of it. And I would get myself in situations where I did things I didn't want to, but I didn't want to upset the other person. And really at the time, I never thought saying NO was a choice I could make.

I would be run ragged running around helping other people, which resulted in me not having enough time to do the things that I wanted. Which was making me very frustrated, but I didn't know how to change things back then.

But now I think of myself first when people ask me to help them with something. A guy the other day asked to see a photo of me, and I said no. Usually I would take one and send it off. And every time I say no to something that I would have done in the past, I am proud of myself.

The other thing I did was to stop associating with family and friends who were negative or non-supportive or just not a nice person. Lol This has reduced the anxiety that I was going through.

The second workshop was called "Women are Strong" this one was amazing. It taught me about having personal boundaries and core values. Which I didn't realise was such a thing. This is something else that you learn from childhood. If my partner treats me poorly in any way and it is crossing any of my personal boundaries, i now tell him that his behaviour is not acceptable, and I will not put up with it. I even left him for 3 days and stayed at my mums at one point, to show him that I would not put up with it. He got the message. I stand up for myself a lot more now and won't take shit from people. I now have the confidence (in most cases) to say something if I don't agree. I felt so empowered after doing the course.

So yes, I have come a long way compared to 6 years ago. I am just about to start some therapy for my PTSD issues, as it causes me a lot of problems at night when trying to sleep, and then things start to snowball from there.

Thanks for listening. I hope you have a great day today 😊

[Mustang67]

@REDLINEZ750 thanks for letting me know

[Mustang67]

Awww thank you @Bunniekins that means so much to me. Thank you for being so supportive with me.