Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[suzanne]

Hi @Faith-and-Hope, night shift is such a busy fast moving thread that it's hard to keep up when you're only on every couple of days.  I'm sorry to hear that things are challenging.  I don't want to make you repeat yourself but I'm here tonight if you want to talk.

[Former-Member]

@Faith-and-Hope, how's your f.i.l? How long is he likely to stay with you? Are you ok? 🌹

[Faith-and-Hope]

Thanks @suzanne

Yesterday morning I had issues with my youngest "baby dragon" and her school commitment, which unfortunately takes out other aspects of my day like falling dominoes .... but it is such a difficult age to manage. They take the bit in their teeth, and the more you try to discipline or guide them, the deeper they dig in their heels ...., grrrr !!

My life is so fast-paced that that was yesterday's issue, and more seem to arrive every day .... however not today ....,

Today my Dad underwent his second knee surgery. The last one saw him in intensive care within 48 hours, fighting for his life .... so far so good with this one today, I am very pleased to say 😊

A good old English Breakfast tea would be very nice right now.

💗🌷

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Former-Member

Looks like you were writing while I was .... 😊

It's my Dad, rather that f.i.l. ..... and he's going fine, thank God (see post above).

I have had a lazy day doing a giant crossword with him here this afternoon. WH stepped up to getting my youngest two dragon pups to school / art class and back .... so I got to have down-time from that stress-fest .., 😊

[suzanne]

English breakfast coming right up 🙂  You must wake up wondering what it's going to be today!  Great news about your Dad.  That must be a huge relief.  Sounds like your Baby Dragon is determined to make her own decisions - including some mistakes.  That's got to be the hardest part.  Watching them stumble.  My own is only 10 so it's still pretty cruisy.  But I'm sure there will be interesting times ahead.

Wishing you the strength to keep going

[Faith-and-Hope]

@suzanne

Yep, waking up to Life Roulette every day ..... it has been like that for many years ...... while you can't control it you've got to learn to go with it and relinquish what you can't control ....

D3 has been insisting on her own mistakes, bit in teeth, for some time ..... which is par or the course with teens really ....... but there has been so much Life Roulette Chaos happening along with it that her not-good choices are having far-reaching consequences regarding the completion of her schooling, and she is relying on me to keep gluing all the pieces back in place.

Without the background issues of my husband's e.d. I might let her bear more of her own consequences and pull her out of school, but that will just make life seriously more complicated for all of us. I have to try to keep the goal posts in place as best I can until we can get him diagnosed and treated, but by then we are likely to have professional medical support as a family that we are lacking in our current twilight zone !!

[suzanne]

Sounds like you're juggling effectively and making some wise decisions.  Tiring though?

I seem to remember from a while ago that you hubby wasn't too thrilled with getting treatment.  Have things moved on in that regard?

[Faith-and-Hope]

With my my Wayward Husband - not at all @suzanne. Still deep, deep in denial ....... can't go near the subject with a barge pole, or he is so hostile and emotionally abusive we won't be able to hold our individual lives together, much less our family unit .....

Have managed to flag the GP, finally, but I really don't know what can be done to slow him down at this stage. He considers himself the poster-boy for an excellent healthy lifestyle, completely blind to the symptoms and how dire they are ....... so sad and distressing, but we are trying to just keep everything together until our plight is reckoned with, one way or another. It may involve a serious health crisis yet ...... very scary, so best not to dwell on that. I have medical support people, including EDV telling me we have done our absolute best so far, and can't do anything more. It has to run it's course ...,,

[suzanne]

It's amazing isn't it how we can be inside these experiences and not be able to see them for what they are.  It'll be interesting to see what it takes for him to wake up.  I hope it isn't too serious an event that makes it happen.  Nor one with too many consequences for the rest of the family. 

I hope too that there's some comfort in knowing that you've done all you can.  I could be repeating myself here but have you come across the stages of change model?  You can find a version here.  It helps to understand why some people are just not ready to face their issues. I still refer to it whenever I find myself frustrated with the pace of change in someone's life, personal or professional.   

[Faith-and-Hope]

I haven't seen it in a model form before @suzanne, but finding the I formation sheet about the stages of change on the EDV website helped to settle my fear that this could keep going on the same tangent it's on. Just understanding that he can begin to surface to a point where he can be reached is somewhat reassuring, but whether than occurs ahead of a health collapse remains a very real concern.

Walking in faith and hope ......