General chat

[Dimity]

@Patches59 the Medicare mix-up should be easily sorted. Either Medicare or the anaesthetist said I wouldn't be covered after my surgery in February but I supplied the missing codes - their bad. 

My sciatica and backache are back, I need to get back to my physio exercises. Slow and steady, you'll get there.  Just don't do too much all at once.

I like the birdbath very much but wonder if the box for the raised garden is big enough for what you want. You won't be able to fit much in. The square one might let you plant in the corners, but I imagined you'd need something longer.

Yes some of the social anxiety was around meeting up to get signatures. What's worse is trying to break the ice with someone else, and resolve the issues with them. That's where I'd hoped for family counselling or family therapy. 

It's difficult for you that the psychiatrists don't seem to have waiting lists. My psychiatrist doesn't actually help with issues - he seems to  just listen to what's happening to monitor my medication level. I sympathise re your discomfort with your psychologist.  I'm still finding things a bit awkward with my counsellor.  I don't know if the new psychologist will work out. It's not ideal to be seeing both but I need help from somewhere. 

You've inspired me to try to get back to craft but I can't find anything I'm looking for. I did find other stuff I'd forgotten about. 

[Patches59]

It’s the things that come from left field that quickly unrattle me and leave me on edge @Dimity.  Reading the notice from Medicare sent me straight into panic mode.  

Only planning getting back to the muscle strength exercises from physio plus short distance walking, both only couple days a week to start with.  I learnt the very painful way not to do too much too quickly.  

thanks for feedback on the raised garden beds, much appreciated.  Not feeling confident with my own decisions at times hence the special order ones from Bunnings are only at idea stage and haven’t been ordered.  Original size thoughts are 90cm H, 90cm W, 60cm D.  Neighbour had suggested filling bottom third with rocks then install weedmat and fill rest with soil.  I had thought 5 square beds each approx 50cm square, 1x90cm H, 2x75cm H, 2x 60cm H semi placed around birdbath.  Neighbour has suggested behind birdbath to put 2 rectangle beds forming L shape.

psychiatrist I’d prefer to see last time I made enquiry with her receptionist she wasn’t accepting new patients as her waiting list was already very long.

seeing the 2 different specialist, if each is helping with different area you might find that beneficial.  I did a search for reasons to change psychiatrists, found some good info that matched with how I’m feeling.  Read through the info on all psychiatrists that is on website for business my current psychiatrist works for.  Info about one jumped out at me and mentions names of lots of different therapies she uses.   I’m feeling nervous about talking to psychiatrist tomorrow regarding wanting to work with someone new.  Part of me knows I need to have that discussion

what type of craft are you interested in doing?  
Need to buy things to help get started?

one thing I’m thankful for was parents and relatives who enjoyed making things.  My maternal grandmother knitted and so did all her girls.  My dad had been taught how to knit whilst in scouts.  My dad, 2 uncles plus one neighbour made toys from wood.  When she was about 2 or 3yo my dad used up lots of small balls of wool, making his first great niece a jumper of many colours.  Knitting things was a stable item whilst rest of my world turned upside down.  Still one of my go to items to help distract my mind and/or slow down thoughts

there are various items that can be bought from pharmacy or supermarkets that might help ease some of the pain

[Dimity]

Hello @Patches59 how did the psychology appt go? Did you tell her you were leaving?

I'm trying to ease back into exercising too. It's still an effort.

I think you said the backyard is gravel. If it was lawn trimming around the beds would be hard. Making the birdbath the central feature is a good idea. 

I didn't get into the garden today apart from clearing a stormwater pit in the driveway.

I'm hoping to finish some old craft projects before starting anything new. And I still have no idea where I put my knitted toy patternbooks. I have to darn the ends in on a scarf and a crocheted knee rug, and I found a latchhook project I'd started.

My dad dabbled in carpentry and weaving. My mother sewed when we were little, making clothes and sometimes embroidered them.

[Patches59]

Appointment went well.  After having general chat I mentioned about wanting to see someone new.  I explained and we had brief chat about it.  Told her the name of psychologist I’d like to work with, if possible.  Person is employed by same firm that my psychologist is.  Psychologist has offered to talk to the person, finding out if taken new patients/has waiting list etc.  psychologist has also loaned me one of her books which is about mindfulness and pain.

back fence has strip of small to medium size river stones approx 50cm deep, runs entire width of the block.  Rest of yard has artificial grass.

Ive got so many started craft projects I don’t know which one to start on.  I’ve started knitting up balls of 8ply that I’ve had for years plus recently bought specific balls of 8 ply.  Plan is knitting up cushion covers to use on the couch or put on my bed.  
toy patterns ….. finding replicas or new ones on the internet?   I’ve got knitting patterns from online site Raverley.

I need to take a broom to the cobwebs which are everywhere outside.  Few plastic boxes in garage to sort through prior to going back to the front room.  By Wednesday if I haven’t heard from pain management group I’ll be phoning them again.  

I need to work on getting back to better sleep routine.

ive found the double sided Velcro.  Need to work out where on window trim plus drapes that Velcro needs to be fastened on couple of drapes that have extra backing on them prior to starting to work on the other drapes.  

[Dimity]

It's good the difficult consultation was amicable @Patches59 .

I was a bit attached to the toys I made for people maybe 25 years ago so it would be good to find the books. I did a bit of decluttering of other stuff today. I'll try to get back in the habit of doing it more often. I found a bag of 8 ply I'd forgotten about. I also bought what looked like 8 ply recently but it was labelled 4 ply.

I need a better sleep routine too. Sleeping earlier and waking earlier. I usually spiral into anxiety in the evening and can't unwind.

I'd love to replace my drapes but have to do a massive clearance first... too many boxes stacked near windows.

I've heard artificial turf can radiate a lot of heat in summer. I trust it's not a problem for you. Low maintenance would be good.

Hope you enjoy Sunday. I used to pause for a quiet day and try to reflect but have got out of the habit. 

[Patches59]

I was dreading talking to the psychologist due to fears of reprisal (fears that stem from childhood) plus didn’t want to go to the appointment @Dimity.  I managed to tell her these things plus other things.  From somewhere came my words about for my benefit needing to work with some one different.

I used to knit booties using couple specific patterns from a book that was decades old, a book that I no longer have.  Understand your feelings for wanting to find your knitting books.  Don’t know if my hands will cope with knitting fine 4ply.  If I find I can, I’d start searching online in hope can find some one selling the book/patterns.  

I used to knit blankets and other things which were donated to a wildlife rescue group.  Craft group here knit and crochet items that are donated to hospitals and 2 specific welfare groups.  

Atm my focus is the balls of 8 ply in a large plastic box in the garage followed by working on and finishing crocheted bed cover I started about 10years ago.  Bed cover is all 8 ply with majority of it being granny squares.  Half the squares are a type of Sirdar, other half are plain white.  Original thought was to also crochet a deep border around the squares, most likely will have small border instead.

artificial turf does get warm to hot.  All grassed areas here are actually artificial grass including areas for tennis, bowling and croquet.  Friday morning wind was cold, some patches of sun.  Turf on croquet area was comfortably warm to touch.

I sympathise regarding sleeping.  Last couple months my sleep pattern hasn’t existed.  Mix of flashbacks and general nightmares have left me trying to avoid going to bed and surviving on few hours of sleep some nights.

yesterday I took ages to get motivated.  Completely changed my thoughts for the day and had self care day.  Doing the same today.  Shopping and housework are going to wait until tomorrow.

when I was working I used to spend Sunday afternoon (entire day if possible) on the couch with the cats plus every evening.  Still try to do the same.  Difference now is at least one cat believes I should sit with my feet up with rug on my legs and nurse them almost every afternoon.

something my psychologist suggested couple years ago (related to me moving in).  Pick a box and slowly work through that box, ignoring all other boxes.  Any thing brought out of the box and dealt with is an accomplishment.

[Patches59]

Forgot to tell you.  I received email advising of outcome of my complaint against the lawyer.  All the emails I received that I sent them it was deemed there was insufficient evidence to prove POAs had been signed and lawyer told the investigator that POAs were never done.  Based on agreed information the Legal Services Board did find that lawyers standards of filing, making notes plus timeliness were not satisfactory and issued her a warning notification.  Notification that stays on file at the Legal Services Board and will be taken into account for any other complaints.

@Dimity 

[Dimity]

That sounds a bit unsatisfactory re the lawyer @Patches59 . But at least she's on notice to lift her game in future. I'm sorry you'll have to redo the POAs. If people signed off on accepting the POAs perhaps they could have backed you up.

I understand your fears about going to the psychologist.  I have deep-seated fears about challenging or even being mildly assertive with my family.

My new "4 ply" doesn't look like fine baby wool.  It's acrylic and looks much like the 8 ply it was mixed in with - the different colours had different labels.

I'm not surprised you've had more flashbacks and nightmares recently,  you've been highly stressed by many things including your pain and the medical procedures. Hopefully as the external stresses reduce things will level out for you. 

A few years ago a psychologist told me to eat the elephant one bite at a time. And try to declutter 8 items a day. I'm trying to re-establish good routines. I use a mood and activity tracker so I can see when I'm making progress. I tend to work in 30 minute or 1 hour chunks but have been losing track between times.  

Hope you enjoy your quiet Sunday afternoon. I'd like to potter in house and garden and maybe read a little.

[Patches59]

@Dimity   Understandably your routines have gone off track, you’ve been dealing with lots recently which have been causing you stress and been preoccupying your thoughts.

I sign the POAs and nothing else happened, they were never sent to those who I have nominated to be my POAs.  Few months ago I made new will and signed new POAs with lawyer at legal practice I had previously used for years.  Day I had initial appointment at legal practice the lawyer I saw had a file in her hand when she entered the room, file containing every will and POA I’ve signed with their firm.

some of the flashbacks were linked to appointment with psychologist about 4weeks ago.  2nd time in approx 2yrs I was triggered by her words.  As I said to psychologist on Friday …. first time I gave 2nd chance, for my MH now it’s happened twice I need to move on and work with some one else.  

any confrontation or fear of confrontation In my mind I’m transported back to being a teenager and fearing my dad.

hope you had a pleasant day, whatever you ended up doing

[Dimity]

I feared both parents @Patches59 especially my father, but I guess I was codependent.  I still fear my siblings.

I was triggered by a psychologist the first time I met with her. On the fourth visit she made some inexcusable and untrue remarks which floored me at the time. I mulled over them for a couple of days then decided I couldn't go back. That was last year. I think you've probably made the right decision. You've discussed it with her and she seems unable to change her approach.

I'm now waiting to hear back from my chosen POAs. The solicitor left it to me to get their signatures myself. I don't drive and I rarely see them. I think I'll have to chivvy them and arrange return taxis to get there and back... twice over. Once that's done I'll book my very overdue endoscopy. 

I had a quiet day. I think that was my main aim. I didn't get everything done I'd hoped for but it kept the anxiety at bay for a.while.

I hope you enjoyed your day.