Lived Experience Forum

[jessie493]

This is my 1st post and I’m very nervous, but here it goes. 
I received a diagnosis of Borderline personality disorder after a turbulent upbringing. I’ve dealt with it on and off over the years, but never tried DBT. I’ve been on medications, but not consistently. 

I had a massive BPD episode last week anytime they happen in the past my fiancé has left me and abandoned issues I felt. This time  my fiancé is still living in the house as we have a 2 and a half year old, but we have been advised to take space by our relationship counselor. My partner knows a bit more about BPD through education and my traumatic upbringing. I have a hugely anxious (knot in the stomach) feeling that won’t disappear when I’m at work and not around him and when I’m home it’s still there, but not as bad. 

in all of this, I’ve had an epiphany like feeling about my BPD and triggers while in this position of space and I feel no chemistry or spark with my partner in the process and worry it’s because of this epiphany things have truly come to light and it was BPD hiding true feelings. I want to be with my fiancé long term and married, but worry this feeling will stick and I haven’t even tried DBT yet. 
has anyone else had this same feeling ? 
thanks 

[jazz]

hi @jessie493 welcome to the forums, good on you for contacting us it takes a lot of courage to write the first post. it is such a challenging journey, juggling self, family and mental health. This is a great supportive forum and I am sure you will get some good support and insight, I wonder if others have experienced similar? I have had good experiences with people who have done DBT you can learn a lot. It is also good to look through the forums and follow other threads to hear other people stories and see what else you can relate too. All the best and again welcome 🙂 

[NatureLover]

Hi and welcome, @jessie493 , it's good to have you here 🙂

I don't have BPD (or a relationship), but will tag @tyme  and @BPDSurvivor  who have great insights into BPD and DBT and relationships. 

You can type anything into the Search bar above to find threads on that topic. Also, a handy forum tip to tag someone is to type @ and then click on their name in the drop-down box - that way they'll get a notification that you've replied to them.

I hope you find the forums supportive 🙂

[Ainjoule]

Hey @jessie493 I have a diagnosis of BPD (as well as schizoaffective disorder). Relationships can be tricky when you are dealing with your own issues as well. Good on you for joining the forum and stopping to consider what your next steps may be. I would highly recommend DBT, it's shown to be effective in the treatment of BPD. I don't know what type of medication you are on but I have a bit of an issue with being consistent about taking medication myself so I switched to a depo injection (once a month) which helps considerably. I was able to do that because my medication is anti-psychotic in nature. Something to consider. Hope things start getting better for you. 

[Green87]

Hi Jessy,

might it be a way of protecting yourself from the hurt the relationship causes you?

I’m just starting to realise I might have some bpd traits after my husband mentioned he thinks I have it.  I’m on a roller coaster of processing and it’s making me see all interactions in a different light. Nothing is black and white but all shade of grey. Don’t blame yourself for everything and also don’t blame him for triggering everything.  The love and good feelings you had were still real.  What was the epiphany exactly?

I also experience knotted stomach and anxiety during relationship conflicts it’s horrible. I hope you feel better soon.

[jessie493]

My childhood and way my parents raised me compared to my Siblings is what’s caused this. Based on my symptoms and all things I know. They claim they are always ‘here’ for me but they really aren’t.

My partner who has always been here for me has copped a lot of my BPD behaviours based on my traumas and that’s not been fair on him. 

this ‘epiphany’ feeling is I just started feeling emotionless and I for some reason gained a lot of clarity in that I want to be with my partner and without family interfering and I want to do DBT and all these things. It’s a feeling of clarity I’d never had before, wether that means my BPD has turned off or something, I’m not sure, although I know last night I had a small episode of it when my partner left me to go out and it was for longer then intended.

I just want to be with my partner happy and healthy and without family influence and my BPD managed and not interfering in my thoughts process