Lived Experience Forum

[Zoe7]

As difficult as it was @Razzle you made it through the night and I am so pleased that vision has reduced in it's intensity. Take it easy today Hon - rest up, sleep if you need and look after yourself. Very much thinking of you today 

[Maggie]

@Razzle  Definitely agree with the others here, rest up today. Thinking of you.

[Ali11]

Thinking of you @Razzle and hoping you and your mum have had a quiet day. x

[Razzle]

@Ali11 @Maggie @Zoe7 @MDT @BlueBay 

I managed to get a piece of toast into my mum for breaky, then she went back to bed - so I cleaned out all the old towels and other miscellaneous junk in the laundry cupboards.

She got up again about 1.30pm and managed another piece of toast - with me coaxing her with every bite.  

In the end I took her up to the dr, he has stopped her antibiotics, plus another of her medications, and prescribed an anti nausea med.  I got her Webster pack all sorted with the changes, started some washing and got tea going.  Mum did eat all her tea tonight, I only dished up a small serve, but it’s more than she’s eaten all day.

Ive been trying to keep busy today, I still can’t push the vision out of my head, the anxiety has been building up all day, I’ve caught myself a few times today on the verge of tears, so I just get busy again.  Just thinking about going to bed and closing my eyes makes my heart pound.

Im so tired tonight, but I feel all twitchy and like my brain is racing.  

[Zoe7]

It is good news that your Mum is eating @Razzle - even if it is just small portions it is better than nothing.

That feeling of not wanting to go to sleep, especially when you are so tired, is horrible. Much like last night Hon it is about getting through and starting again tomorrow. We can only take each day as it comes and hope that those visions and memories fade a little the next day. Very much hearing you how hard it still is 

[Razzle]

@Zoe7   Yeah, one foot in front of the other, it feels like I’m wearing concrete boots though.  Everything is a bit overwhelming at the moment.  

My husband is staying here tonight, I must admit I have enjoyed my time away from him this last week or so.  I practically had one foot out the door a couple of weeks ago, having to move in to look after my mum made that decision pretty easy.  If anything it’s forced him to have to do a bit of work toward our relationship, he’s the one doing the chasing so to speak.  

I dont know if it’s good or bad he’s here tonight, I kind of need to be left alone, there’s too much going on in my head to deal with us right now.

[Zoe7]

I understand that feeling of needing space to deal with what is happening for you @Razzle Sometimes even though we are left alone with our thoughts that is exactly what we need to be able to deal with them. I hear how much you have needed this space from hubby also and if anything good can come out of your Mum being unwell then I hope it is him seeing how much you do. I know things have been difficult in your relationship for a long time and you have not felt at all supported by him - maybe this could be a turning point for you both ..I hope so for your sake Hon 

[Ali11]

@Razzle Glad to hear there have been some positives for your mum today. Do you have any plans for tomorrow?

[Razzle]

@Zoe7   I’m at the point where I don’t care about our marriage anymore.  I always thought leaving would be too hard, so far that has been pretty easy, although even though I’m back in the room I grew up in, it feels a little uncomfortable, like I’m not really home.

[Razzle]

@Ali11   No plans as yet, I’ll see how

mum wakes tomorrow.  I’m hoping she feels well enough to even go out to a cafe for a coffee, just get out of the house for a bit.