Introduction

[HenryX]

Hello @Oaktree 

I believe that I understand your concern, and very much appreciate your being able to express what had happened. And I really hope that this will assist with your discussion tomorrow.

Maybe I would like us both to celebrate the lifting of a heavy load for each of us. We'll see where we go with this. My words are not quite as fluid as usual.

Have just responded to a couple of other discussions as a distraction.

Pleased I found your post here. Went back to check that I had acknowledged by support, all your posts.

Goodnight and My Very Best Wishes

@HenryX 

[HenryX]

Hello @Oaktree 

Now I am responding to the various posts of our marathon discussion this evening. I will post this response now at about 11:30 pm, which means it will be there when you are free to read it.

I do feel for both you and your husband with regard to the situation regarding employment and consequent feelings that arise from those circumstances. As you say, watching someone else having difficulties, can be as distressing as being in that situation yourself. I do remember the difficulties that I discussed with people when I was working in the employment area. The effects were the same for trades people, clerical, right through to professional people. It has an unfortunate parallel with mental health, in that it is not selective with who is subject to it, and feels the effects.

The suggestion I would offer is to treat life as something worthwhile, simply because it is.

I think that I may have mentioned that, had I been at work and not having, what could be referred to as a partial disability, I may not have been in a position where I could care for my Mum. I cherish that time, so there was a reason for what transpired and the position that was available to us. Every situation is different.

Thank you for your note re Tuesdays counselling appointment. It seems that there was some dislodging of past negative experiences for both of us. I hope that the benefits will accrue likewise. No, your comments certainly have not caused me concern or distress. Certainly, I felt unsettled for a while, but declaration of the issue, I am sure had a cathartic effect. My hope is that the same may also be true for you.

Yes, you hit the nail on the head re the profile. I have no problem with people looking through the posts on my profile. Because the forum is open, it means that people are free to look through all posts on the forum, anyway. Often, I think, if people are given the option to do so, they get an idea of style and move on fairly quickly, to discussions in their own interest range. While that is so, I try not to draw specific attention, where some element of “privacy”, to the degree that it is available, is warranted, such as in our conversations. There have been a number of occasions when I have written in a manner that has raised the ire of people. They have looked through some previous posts and seen my presentations from a different perspective. I think that at least a couple of people have changed their view of my posts in this way. Unfortunately, a response that I wrote earlier this evening caused offence which was not the intention. So please feel free to look through my profile. In fact, you would be the person of whom I would be the most protective.

The forum is really one area in which I can express myself, so I'm sure that I have said before that every interaction is two way. Some you give more, and others you receive more from. Despite your assertion that you are “struggling to be useful anywhere.” your presence and communication has assisted me. Often the interaction that is offered does not even have to be a conscious attempt to assist. Some people see me as verbose, yet your observation that “I think you did a great job breaking down the question and responding.” and “You are so helpful to other forum users.” are comments that have offered me affirmation and support in my activities. I am likewise receptive to considerately phrased variations or corrections. I guess from your point of view, your were complimenting me on attributes. You were doing much more than that. I often wonder how my responses are received. It is from comments that you have given, and those of other members, that offer me encouragement and the feeling of purpose and worthwhile contribution. For that, I most sincerely thank you.

Well now, at a smidge past 11:30 pm, I will post this note

With My Wish that Your Day will be Pleasant and Productive

Best Wishes

@HenryX 

[Oaktree]

@HenryX 

I woke up at 2:57am and read your post will try and write something later today.

Meggle

[Oaktree]

Hi @HenryX 

I couldn't go back to sleep so I got up and wrote my psychologist yet another letter. I am scared to talk to her on the phone so I wrote it down. Will deliver it in the morning. There is nothing in this letter that will make matters any worse. Hopefully it will help her to see things from my side. I did include the details of the memory that I need rescripted, the one which I tried to share with you. I have now left the ball firmly in her court and the final decision will be up to her. Pray for me that it all works out? I feel protective of you too Henry. I am glad that we have found friendship here but it is a difficult platform because we can't share everything due to rules and guidelines which are in place to protect us and others. It had been my intention to delete my story after you had read it but mods got to it first. I am so sorry for your experience as a young boy. That must have been truly terrifying. I can't even imagine...

Hoping that you have a pleasant day and can put last night out of your mind until at least Tuesday when you will have the opportunity to discuss things further with your counselor. 

Love to you Henry,

Meggle

[Oaktree]

Hi @HenryX 

So I delivered the letter that I wrote to my psychologist in the middle of the night first thing this morning. I asked if the ball was in my court and told them what I wanted. I included the memory that I needed to have rescripted and apologised. They later sent me a lovely text to say that nothing was screwed up and that they would work with me to achieve my goals and see you Thursday. So I guess although I have had a tough few days agonising over everything that things have worked out in my favour. Now to just not mess it up again this time... 

How did your day go? Did you make it to the dentist in Geraldton yet??? Hopefully there were no major problems.

Regards,

Meggle

[Oaktree]

Hi @HenryX 

Didn't have much on today so spent some time rereading some of our okd messages. It was me that told you about Jess O'Garr you silly duffer. Also how did the village repair project go? Did you find a builder willing to work with the town? It also dawns on me that it is almost September, meaning that your daughter and Grandchild will be coming to visit right? That's exciting if that is so. You will have to tell me all about it all. The weather has been a bit dreary today. No rain but no blue sky either and a bit on the cold side. Took Hubby to the doctors to get his eye checked out and pick up some prescriptions only to have the doctor forget one which we have to go back and pick up tomorrow. Anyway I hope that you are well and have had a good day. Looking forward to hearing from you as always.

Meggle

[HenryX]

@Oaktree 

Hello Meg,

Your posts are on one side of the screen and I am responding on the writer on the other half.

That issue of waking up in the ~middle of the night can be frustrating. And then being worried about not having had enough sleep to face the coming day!

It seems like you are beginning to feel more comfortable about 'where you want to go', and how you can see your way to reaching some milestones, for which I am very pleased. The process of writing the letters to your psych. sounds as though you are actually doing some of the processing yourself. I think that is really great. Despite the initial feeling that “you had messed things up” and “made matters worse”, it appears to me that the contrary is true. You weren't sidelined by what had happened with the psych., but continued on. I believe that you have taken some pretty big strides in the last few days. I admire your determination and courage, and I am supporting you, wholeheartedly.

Likewise, I would like to be more open than we can be in this format. However, because of the format, and maybe, in spite of it, we have both been able to work with, and support each other, through what has been a difficult process for each of us. And all that with no ulterior motive. I think that that is quite an accomplishment. The friendship that we have, is, as a result of our discussions, built on firm ground.

I am hoping, with a prayer for support, that your psych. recognises how far you have come. In fact I'm sure that will occur. Just the fact that you have written about the incident that concerned you most is really what counts. No one else, including me, has to read it, but you have addressed that matter, you have not let the barrier beat you. I really believe, that having faced the issue, and with maybe, a little extra support from your psych., you have accomplished something that is likely to add to your life in very positive ways.

You have also, by meeting what was not intended to be a challenge, but rather, an offer of mutual support, helped me too. Indeed, had you not done so, I would be no further along the path than I was two days, two months, two years.... ago. Thank you, Meg.

I'm at your post where you are telling me that you have delivered the letter to the psych. I am really pleased about the response and the way it was phrased, “in a lovely text.” The way that it appears to me is, that you have taken another step forward, assertiveness, without anger or undue anxiety. The result being, “they would work with me to achieve my goals and see you Thursday.” Absolutely wonderful.

I shouldn't even respond to the comment about, “not mess it up again this time... “, because I am certain that you won't, if you really ever did. It was all just part of the process.

Yes, it was in the back of my mind that you had recommended Jess O'Garr's videos. The “silly duffer” comment was self reflective on my part, as I guess that you have realised.

I hope your husband is ok with eye issues. Is it long term or acute?

Daughter and Grandson will be here around the middle of next week. I will be very happy to let you know how the get together goes.

Arrived home at about 5.00 pm and settled down to check notifications and respond, when I had become aware that there was a community guide chat session on. Although I was late, it was a useful discussion. Since that session closed, I have been writing this reply to you.

After being concerned that I would not feel like getting up at 5.30 am to leave for Geraldton at 6.00, I heard the alarm, got ready and was out in the car at 6.00. Completely shocked myself. I got there in plenty of time. A bit of delay, while they requested medication details from my doctor, extraction completed by 10.00 am. I thought that the dentist was really good. Some preparatory work, anaesthetic, then extraction. Thankfully the anaesthetic worked well. I also used some relaxing thoughts which actually seemed to work. And it was all done. Voice was a bit muffled till about 2.00 pm. Very little residual pain, though I have taken some strong pain medication. I've had some soft comfort food while I've been at the desk, with no problems. So, thankfully, all really good.

I did a bit of shopping while over there.

The trip over to Geraldton and back was really pleasant. I listened to some ABC programs on soil, mental health, and a couple of others items. Most of the material was interesting. I stopped, on the way back, where a creek, that can be quite full at times, after heavy rain, meanders through some low hills. There is a small pool made by rocks across the creek. The spot reminds me of when I was very young, about 5, visiting some similar creeks in Queensland. The water tumbling and moving through the rocks makes a “delicious liquid sound”. So I stayed there for a little while and just enjoyed the ambience of the creek, the trees and the high ground wrapping around the place where I was. It was really lovely.

Gosh, it's nearly 8.50 pm. I'll send this note now Meg

With My Very Best Wishes

@HenryX 

[Oaktree]

@HenryX 

Thanks for your post.

I am glad that the tooth extraction went to plan and was all quite straight forward.

i loved your description of the creek. Makes me remember being very young, maybe 5 or 6. We were eating watermelon on a little riverbank. We got all sticky as the watermelon juice trickled over our arms and tummies but that was ok because we just washed off in the shallow river afterwards. The river had stones on the bottom. It was near Puckapunyal in Victoria somewhere. 
I am glad that things seemed to have worked out with my psych. I am taking my Husband with me on Thursday as a bit of a security blanket though. Yes writing the letters did help me to process the hurt and pain out of the situation until I could be more reasonable. Nothing I said in the letter I delivered inflamed the situation any further. I am looking forward to Thursday to see how comfortable I will be as now the psych seems a bit scary to me. We will see I guess. You have your counseling session today. I hope that that goes well for you and that you will be able to be forthcoming about what's on your mind.

Meggle

[HenryX]

Hello @Oaktree 

I tried to send this message before I left at 1.15 pm, for counselling appointment, however, I received a message  saying:

"Post flooding detected (community received posts of a unique message more than 1 times within 3,600 seconds)"

but, having checked, it never went through. So, here it is unless it gets blocked again.

Apparently, I had used a word, connected with campfire that isn't approved, because of associations. So I have changed that reference. I live and learn.

..........    "    ..........

"

Thank you for your reply, this morning, Meg. I hope calling you Meg is comfortable for you. Please let me know, if otherwise.

"

I have been down at the garage/shed with the friend, with whom I get along really well, who is working to change the engine in his vehicle. So I can still participate and, in some ways contribute, in areas which I enjoy.

"

While my jaw, today, is a little sensitive to a firm pressure, there is no pain, thank goodness, because I am a sook. Maybe not that much. But it has certainly been 'successful', as much as losing a tooth can be. Because there was infection, I am hoping that clearing all that up will also assist me in terms of feelings and mood, so that I can feel more like doing the things that I have been talking about with you.

"

Interesting, another connection! I was born in Seymour, before going to Brisbane when I was about 2. Again at Puckapunyal for part of my National Service, before going up to Holsworthy, near Liverpool in NSW. During part of my teenage years, I lived in Wangaratta. That is part of the reason that I use the city as a reference place, for people in the Eastern States.

"

The rivers in Victoria actually have water flowing in them most of the time, and I know the type of rocky ground over which many of them flow. I was hoping that you might enjoy the description of the creek. It is probably my favourite place around here, which I haven't visited often. However, I should make more time in the future, because it is only a couple of hundred metres off the road to Geraldton. I think that quite some time ago, there may have been a ford at that location, hence some very large rocks. When ever I have been there, no one else has, though there is a swing rope over the pool and remnants of a camp fire and other signs of visitor activity. Interestingly it is clean and not littered. It is a lovely, quiet place for peaceful reflection, with the sound of the water gurgling and splashing through and over the rocks.

"

I like your description, and can imagine the watermelon 'feast', without fear of dribbles and trickles of juice, because of the nearby water.

"

Your note today is the first time that you have mentioned your husband's involvement, without some caution. I am pleased that he will be accompanying you on Thursday. Should I hope that this will mean an increased level of openness between you, about your concerns and fears. If so, I will be pleased. Husband as a “security blanket” is good. It is with considerable pleasure for me that you are, as you have said, “.....looking forward to Thursday........”, maybe as something of a challenge to test, and strengthen, a new found level of confidence. And to “see how comfortable I will be, as now the psych seems a bit scary to me. We will see I guess.” Interestingly, the psych. won't have changed. The only change, really, is your additional knowledge of their strategies to assist you, that were always there before. Consequently, I would suggest that there is no requirement for feeling scared. You have now, simply, acquired additional knowledge, hopefully, that you can and will, use to your advantage if you need or want to.

"

Yes, today I am seeing the counsellor at 1.30 so, I just realised, I had better get some less working type clothes on and get ready to go.

Lovely to have received and read your note Meg

With, as always, My very Best wishes

@HenryX 

[Oaktree]

@HenryX 

Hey, you are mechanically minded, I guess that kind of comes with being a truck driver. I have my truck license but am not very mechanical. I wish I was more so. When I was 21 I lived in the country and drove between Beverly and York a lot. I knew how to change the alternator belt my old Ford Escort but I couldn't do that now. Cars have changed a lot in that time. I used to drive dump trucks at the Nickel mine in Ravensthorpe for a little while. That was a cool job but really boring. I am glad that I achieved it though as it was my goal. I started out working as a cleaner for a mining support company and then moved into a trainee program in construction which was actually really fun and I helped put together parts for a conveyor belt as well as helping to build a building out of big bits of steel. I then moved into the truck driving for BHP. Then I got sick and that was the end of my career in mining. But it was fun and challenging while it lasted. You totally should stop at the creek more often if it's not too hard to get to. Go and recharge the old batteries. My Dad was a Nacho too. He used to have a friend that worked as a tank operator on the Puckapunyal base so we would go there as kids. It was pretty cool as I remember. We were friends with them in Perth before we moved to Melbourne when I was 5. I have just been singing along with the With One Voice live stream on Facebook. I attend one of their choirs but anyone can tune in via Facebook. They livestream because people can't meet for rehearsals over east due to the lockdowns. Let me go see if I can grab a link or something so you can have a look