Introduction

[HenryX]

Hello @Oaktree 

A recent support was placed on one of my posts here on your thread. As far as I can follow, that member was not aware of the reason for another's intended departure. In following the other member's profile, saw a reference which lead to this thread. Apparently/possibly looking for the other member's reason for departure.  ??

Anyway, I had a quick look back and noted that there are no details that involved discussions between you, Docker6 and me, a few evenings ago, for which I am pleased.

To some degree the discussions here in this thread are relatively private, however, I do believe that what you and I discuss should not cause anyone else concern or distress. Indeed, the fact that the website is open to everyone means that privacy is limited. This is some of the reason that some of my replies, may at times, have seemed somewhat formal, because of my awareness that all the doors are open, and privacy is a courtesy not a requirement.

I have some other thoughts which I will include in another note, this one being of a more "administrative" nature.

With Best Wishes

@HenryX 

[HenryX]

Hello @Oaktree

At the present time, the music that is playing is called,

“Dance of Life • Relaxing Fantasy Music for Relaxation & Meditation”

from the website:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BiqlZZddZEo&ab_channel=SoothingRelaxation

Often I have heard people talking about music, however, most often, other people's preferences in music do not match my own. I am most appreciative that our discussions have awakened in me a renewed interest and enjoyment of music and a return, by me, to some of my favourites. In the last few days, the music, to which I have been listening, has provided a significant feeling of relaxation and peacefulness. In addition, I am feeling able to think more clearly, which is, in a way, very freeing and enabling. Neither do I feel so weighed down when considering options.

So, while I hope that I am not saying it so often as to make it boring,

Thank You.

I will have to find the ways that I can transfer some music to my phone, so that I can listen while I work. Hopefully, it will curb the tendency to rumination and less pleasant thoughts, that seem to cloud my mental space all too often.

Our discussions have been very positive for me, in that I feel comfortable talking with you about the good and positives in my life. I also feel that our conversations are more balanced than I feel comfortable with on other threads and with other people on the forum. By that, I mean that I am also open with you about the, sometimes, darker, less pleasant side of my life. That is something that I have not felt free to do for quite a long time.

One of the thoughts that occasionally comes to mind is, whether you, or others, wonder whether my closing greeting of, “With Best Wishes” or “Very Best Wishes”, is a habit, or do I really think about and mean what I am saying. I can say that nearly, if not all of the words, commas and full stops are considered and thought about, as I write them, and are confirmed or changed as I write them, for the message that I am expressing and extending. They represent my feelings, thoughts, beliefs and wishes, extended to each other person to whom, and with whom, I am corresponding.

I am enjoying our correspondence, Meg.

With My Very Best Wishes

@HenryX

[Oaktree]

Hi @HenryX 

How are you doing? I met with my case manager yesterday afternoon and she was very supportive regarding my appointment with my psychologist. Apparently my psych had told the case manager that the appointment had gone extremely well the day before and I guess that is true but really I was testing the temperature of the water. I had blocked several of my siblings on Facebook for the past year but I wanted to ask my brother questions about past traumas so I unblocked them. I sent my brother a message but haven't heard anything back as of yet. I also spoke to my sister who said he is drug addled these days so it may not be likely that I will get a response. This is extremely disappointing. When he came over to visit some years ago he was repeatedly apologising to me but I wasn't ready to hear it so I shut him down. I am ready to hear it now. In fact I need to hear it now. I guess I waited too long to be ready. I have to go pick up child number one. Talk later

[HenryX]

Hello @Oaktree 

So pleased to hear from you. Part of this evening was spent “veging” watching NCIS, and some building programs on TV. Later, a response to the “Writing letters....” thread. Thank you for the “support”. Then a reply to oceangirl on her thread “Checking In”. Got up this morning and got ready to go out, but did not feel up to it, so I have been on the computer for part of the day and some TV watching.

I am very pleased that your situation with the case manager and the clinic seems to have improved. I really hope, while recognising the potential, in the future, for some experience of a personally rocky road, that the relationship with the psych stays on track and remains supportive.

I know that you are aware of my “relationship” with Facebook, however, I was pleased with your suggestion of checking the WOW site.

The situation with your brother is delicate, not for him, but for you. On oceangirl's thread, I said that I am carrying what occurred to me during my childhood, and really, it will never not be a part of me. However, what I can do is change its significance for me. Quoting what I said on the other site, “What we have experienced, doesn't necessarily leave us, through guidance and therapy, but can, I believe, be changed into worthwhile and meaningful resources, for our use in the future, for our own benefit and that of others.”

Sometimes, when we seek apologies from others, we can be seeking to apportion responsibility and, or blame. That may not help us to resolve our own thoughts and concerns about a given event.

Often times the answers that others might give will possibly give us little consolation. However, we do not need the words of others, in order to deal with what is now a part of our own lives, to deal with and use for better purposes. Often, that can be the unfortunate need to understand and assist someone else in a similar situation, or prevent such from happening to others, by quality advice and education. However, I do believe that it may be best, not to make it a mission in life. That just perpetuates the opposite of what we hopefully have learned to understand.

There are events in my life that have come to mind recently, as I was informed would possibly occur by the counsellor. Some events, I wish that I had approached differently, others I wish had never occurred at all, but I have to respond to what I know now, not what I did not know, understand or realise the implications of many years ago.

Some of those events involved a questioning of myself, and who I believed I should be.

Everything that you have shared with me, shows me that you are

a very special person, in every respect,

who experienced a situation that has impacted on your own self esteem and respect. However, to repeat what I have heard others say, and which I would also say, “What we experience, does not make us who we are.” From what you have told me,

I admire the person you are, and what you have accomplished for yourself and your family.

With My Loving Care and Very Best Wishes

@HenryX 

[Oaktree]

Hi @HenryX 

I would like to wish you a very Happy  Fathers Day! I hope that you hear from your children today. Today I took my husband for a drive out to Yanchep to get a pie from the local bakery, actually he got two. He enjoyed them enormously and then we drove back through some beautiful stands of white gum trees on the way home. We talked about visiting the big blue wet thing, better known as the ocean, but decided that it would probably be too busy there so we didn't go after all. I am home right now but have to go pick up daughter from Church soon. I didn't go as I am still getting over a slight cold. I hope that you have had a pleasant day and been outside in this glorious weather that we are having.

lots of love,

Meggle

[Oaktree]

Hi @HenryX 

I just reread your last post to me. Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate it! With regards to my Brother I think hearing from him may give me some closure. I don't really blame him he was only very young too and that behaviour had to have been learned from somewhere. He was probably the victim of abuse too. I guess it matters now how I move forward. Again it seems that I need to forgive myself for what happened in order to find some peace. I know that it was not my fault but something that happened to me but I went along with it at the time because I didn't know what it was. I have deep regret and feelings of shame associated with what happened. Anyway I guess I need to find a way to build my self esteem somehow. I can't change the past but hopefully I can change my future. That's why I am working with the psych.

Meggle

[HenryX]

Hello @Oaktree 

Thank you very much, for the Father's Day wishes. That has given me a real boost. I received a message from Daughter1 {wish we didn't have to use these cryptic references, however....}. She will be coming in on Wednesday, so, as I'm sure you are aware, I am looking forward to their visit.

It is pleasant to know that you enjoyed the drive to Yanchep and coming back through those lovely white gums. Are they the ones that are quite close and on both sides of the road. If they are, I think that they may be part of a memorial avenue?

The ocean, on a good day, can be a bit crowded and hectic, so understand the reservations about going that direction. Also, it loses the sense of peace and tranquillity because of all the activity. If your return was on the road of which I am thinking, it would have been lovely and green and probably just as pleasant, though in a different sort of way.

The weather, over the weekend, was still quite cold and windy, but today is really fresh and bright. So, I plan on writing a few replies, then going out and tackle some outside work. I went to the bible study group this morning. There were just five of us, three ladies and two men, including me. A review that was an interesting and meaningful development of parables in Matthew chapters 24 & 25. And looking at ways in which we can apply the messages in our own lives.

I have written one message which I am splitting into two. This is the more social one, which I will now close and send

With My Very Best Wishes

@HenryX 

[HenryX]

Hello @Oaktree 

Your suggestion, about wish for closure, I can fully understand. It is my hope that disclosing the events, as fully as you did, in the subsequent modified post, will have enabled you to move forward, to a significant degree. Again, thank you for the trust that you have offered to me. And, the understanding, that you would know, that anything sensitive that you discuss with me, is in confidence, and will only be treated and discussed in the most sensitive way that I can.

Some of the events that happen in our early time of life, occur as a result of inquisitiveness, searching, finding our way, while trusting in others, sometimes, to know what is appropriate, and sometimes, there is subtle, or even not so subtle pressure placed upon us to act in a particular way.

The following text is an extract, from a discussion with oceangirl, on the her thread “Re: Checking In”. The comment is not intended to be a definition, but, I think, rather an idea of an outcome.

Henry: “And sometimes there are events from the past that I need to respond to from the perspective of what I know now, not what I did not know, understand or realise the implications of many years ago. If I do not take this approach I cannot, as you (oceangirl) expressed, say that,

oceangirl: “re-scripting past experiences, is a way for me to change my mindset and to have a deeper understanding of myself and others, and to have more clarity in my thinking and therefore be able to navigate through life more effectively and to connect with others on a deeper level.”

Henry: {A lovely synopsis, your words paraphrased with minor changes.}

That is my aim for myself, with counselling, at the present time.

We can so easily judge and criticise ourselves according to standards that we come to know after certain events. As a result of that 'post-judgement', we can feel a sense of shame and or embarrassment, of which we could not have been aware, or possibly even understood, at the time of the event. I think that we can also confuse and mix up the two emotions, shame and embarrassment, and treat ourselves very harshly, and possibly too much so, as a consequence. This can be a psychological version of 'self-flagellation', or in modern parlance, 'beating ourselves up'.

With the hope that your day will be interesting, challenging, productive and enjoyable.

With My Very Best Wishes

@HenryX 

[Oaktree]

@HenryX 

Just read over those two chapters of Mathew. The foretelling of the end of times. Do not believe in people saying they are he even if they can do great and unexplained things. I really enjoy the tale of the ten virgins and I hope to be one of the wise ones with oil in their lamps when the Bridegroom comes. I think he will be here soon as there surely are wars and rumours of wars abounding at the moment along with all kinds of iniquity. Chapter 25 also speaks of the importance of service "so as you have done it to the least of my servants you have done it unto me" (or something to that effect). I hope that I can live a good enough life to be pleasing unto God!

[HenryX]

Hello @Oaktree 

The Parable containing the comment, "so as you have done it to the least of my servants you have done it unto me" always strikes a chord with me, and is one of my favourite statements in the Bible.

One of the comments in the material prepared for discussion this morning was, "We each have been called to invest the resources that we have been given so that they can grow and multiply. We do not have to fearfully hoard or hide what we have been given." Do you think that message might have been meant for me? 😉😊 Rhetorical question!!😊

For some reason, I have felt more comfortable today than I have for quite sometime. Cleaned and oiled the bike chain, and rode to the chemist and the shop. Thankfully, I didn't fall off, though it will take me awhile, I think, to get used to the balance again. Also, have to take my collapsible staff in my backpack if there is a bit of walking to do. Going to individual shops is fine, but any more is awkward. However, even my walking ability may improve if the bike exercise helps those muscle groups.

Hope today has been good for you and your family.

Best Wishes

@HenryX