Sister has BPD

[Izzy_B]

Hello, I’m new here and was hoping I could share my experience over the last 20 years with my sister who I am very close with who has borderline personality disorder. I’ve never reached out to support groups although feel now that I would benefit from connecting with others that have spent years supporting a loved one with this. My sister is six years older than me and was properly diagnosed with BPD when she was 28 after years and years of miss diagnosing. My sister lost all her close friends from high school when she was 25 and is now 40 and has never been able to establish new friendship groups or relationships with males. She is extremely lonely and for the last 20 years I’ve felt a lot of responsibility growing up with her knowing how unwell she was and trying to ensure she was ok all the time. My mother did as much as she could for my sister although moved interstate recently which has left my sister even more isolated as I also moved interstate near my mum to raise my children. On reflection I feel sick to my stomach that my mum moved and left my sister in another state knowing full well how lonely she is and I feel guilty every day knowing I moved. I just want her to be okay and it’s taken up a lot of my emotions and life over the last 20 years always putting my sister first. I just want to feel happy moving forward with my life and not feel so sad about hers. I feel at times she doesn’t want to help herself, she won’t make an effort to change certain behaviours and it’s extremely frustrating and I guess I’m just frustrated and emotional about the roller coast it’s been. Hoping to chat to others that have been through similar. 

[tyme]

You are absolutely not alone @Izzy_B .

I have lived experience of BPD, and know full well that it can be exhausting caring for a borderline.

I hear how much you want to be happy. Do you have supports in place or people to talk to?

[rav3n]

Hey @Izzy_B welcome! It's so great to see you join our forums community 😊

Thank you for sharing your experience with caring for your sister who has BPD. It's not always easy to talk about these experience so I'm really glad you were able to come here and share this with us tonight. Taking care of yourself and your mental health is also super important, hope you've been able to look after yourself and make time for some self-care! It's clear that you care a lot about your sister, does she have supports available to her near where she lives? 

I hear how both your and your mum's decision to move away has created a mix of feelings, it can be hard to balance what's best for you and supporting others. Connecting with others in a similar position to you will hopefully make that rollercoaster of emotions feel a bit more steady! I'm sure more members with similar experiences will share soon - in the meantime, feel free to search "bpd" on the search bar of the forum if you'd like to explore other threads that may have more info on this. 😊

we're sitting with you 💗

[balance37]

It is a difficult situation because you care deeply about your sister but at the same time, you have to live your own life and follow your own path. She is 40 now, and it does become her responsibility at some point to help herself. BPD can go into remission but it is only if the person seeks help and actively works on changing their behaviours through programs such as DBT, one of the most recommenced therapies for BPD. Maybe having a serious conversation with her to see what her goals are and if she is serious about changing her behaviours. It won't happen straight away, but it does happen, if she is willing to put in the work.

[tyme]

Hey @Izzy_B , how are you?