Having a bad day

[MendMyMind]

It’s been a bad few months going through the pain and grief of a lost relationship.

But I went to a concert a couple nights ago and it just reminded me and flooded me with feelings and I made the mistake of looking at their social media again. It all just hurts so much. Seeing them living a happy life with someone else. While I feel like I have nobody in my life, and truthfully I don’t. No friends at all, nothing romantic, no social circle, no job. I just really wish I had more to keep my mind busy. I’m tired of feeling this way. I’m frequently in tears at least 5/7 days a week even 3 months after no contact. Loneliness is the worlds worst feeling of all.

[Ru-bee]

Hey @MendMyMind I hear you, loneliness is a really hard thing to experience. It makes sense for this to be coming up as your grieving the loss of your relationship - big life changes like this often cause us to reassess other areas of our life too.

Have there been any times recently where you haven't felt lonely, or at least that you've felt a bit less lonely?

What sort of concert did you go to?

[REDLINEZ750]

hey @MendMyMind   recently enough had a relationship end sudden  that was supposed to be safe for life.

unexpected trauma affected my capacity to be the same person so after decades i clashed with her own diagnosed mental health.

i know being discarded & no contact hurts and hurts enough to consume everything else.

Radical acceptance might help you if your able to understand it, i learnt it in DBT

it helped me to  i wont say get over it but certainly get past it & be more gentle on myself.

im  grateful i dont have facebook or any social media people use to project lies of thier perfect existances.

seeing who i love smiling when i suffer could only fuel feelings of loss and loeliness

whos even responsible for the pain that causes if its searched not sent?

i know nothing about you and im not claiming to know whats best for you

i do know loneliness please believe me & im only sharing  what helped me breath again after  strangled by  the grip of heart break and wanting answers that werent coming.

understanding how  your feeling is not the same as knowing and  i  truly hope things get  better for you sooner than later

[mich1234]

hey! I'm new here, I'm going through the same thing. Everything I do remind me of something I did with that person. I can't seem to forget him even though he told "Do me a favor and K*** yourself". I just can't find purpose without that relationship in my life, and it's been so hard to distract myself. I'm blaming myself for small that weren't my fault. Becoming a victim of someone who's old enough to be my older brother and getting sexually assaulted by him was the worst thing. But I still found myself going back to him to not feel used. I hated myself for wanting him in my life. I resented him for doing that with me and making me get attached to him. If someone reads this please tell me how to get over it, it's too much.

[ShadowMod]

Hey @mich1234, and welcome to the forums!

Sorry to hear of what you have had to endure in your previous relationship. Having your mind plagued by those awful things can be really overwhelming, and struggling to move on from this chapter in your life is completely valid. That abuse you endured must have been traumatic, and opening up about this takes a lot of strength. How you were treated is not okay, and what happened to you is not your fault. It can take time to fully process trauma, and it's during this time that leaning into your supports is so important. I see you are being proactive in taking these next steps forward for yourself, and this is really brave. Having these conflicting feelings is all part of the recovery process, and sometimes, we need to break ourselves down before we are able to build ourselves back up.

I'm very glad that you have found this forum and that you've felt able to post. I do hope that you will feel the support of the community during this time! You are not alone, and it is also important you can receive some one-on-one support for what you have gone through. I recommend reaching out to either Blue Knot Foundation or 1800RESPECT. The counsellors here are able to offer you a safe space to unpack things further, and work with you to explore ways of navigating this challenging time. I hope you can reach out when you are comfortable and ready. 

Take care!

[Ruby26]

@MendMyMind I'm so sorry that you are feeling lonely and hurting. Three months is still very early days with the end of a significant relationship. I'm a mess three months after going no contact with anyone who meant a lot to me. I know it is hard while you are suffering, but it usually takes longer than 3 months to heal. 

Have you considered taking some gentle steps to find a new interest? I understand having no friends makes this a lot tougher, but there are spaces like Community Houses and Meet Up groups that can offer fun things to try and keep your mind busy. A lot of activities are free or low cost too. Go Volunteer is a good place to start if you feel up to considering some unpaid work to keep you busy. 

Do you have someone to talk to about this sadness? Spaces like this can be great and also remember that you can make a mental health appointment with a GP just to chat and vent if you need to (many will bulk bill if you are on a low income). 

Hope things get better for you soon. 

[tyme]

Hey @Ruby26 ,

I thought I'd reach out to thank you for your response to @MendMyMind . It was very helpful to read your post.

Glad you can join us here at SANE forums. 

Looking forward to connecting with you further 🙂

[Ruby26]

@mich1234  I'm so sorry to hear this. I was also sexually assaulted and emotionally abused by a partner. I found it really helpful to research trauma bonding. No contact was really tough for me, because I found it impossible to stay away for a while but eventually, I did cut him out of my life for good. No contact is essential both for your safety and your healing. It is hard but it is really worth it. 

I found online support groups were helpful and also being involved in "fun" online groups as a distraction. I found I needed to be on my computer excessively at first, because the real world was too much. But after a while I did start to cope better with face-to-face social events and now, I have a much better life and think about my ex a couple of times a week rather than having him on my mind constantly. I found going for long walks everyday helped, even though at first, I kept crying a great deal mid walk.

The important thing is to find a way to let yourself feel what you need to feel but having a break from the feels when you get too overwhelmed. Remember that you've already gone through the worst part, and it may take some time but eventually you will feel much better. And 1800 Respect are fantastic if you need to chat or get vaildation. 

[Ruby26]

Thank you 🙂

[AnnoyedSheDevil]

@MendMyMind 

I'm a full 12 months out of a long-term relationship, and while some days it feels like I'm backsliding it does get easier/less painful.

I purposely blocked my ex on social media, mostly because he kept trying to send me tiktoks. Best decision I made, it's been peaceful.

There are still days I break down and cry, sometimes it's sudden and I wind up sobbing on the floor. I have two cats and my boy is usually the first to leap into my lap to comfort me.

It can be hard to be kind to yourself, especially if things didn't end well between yourself and the person you trusted and loved for so long.

Try and just take it one minute at a time, and eventually you can stretch that further.