How to keep relationship with a 24 year-old daughter strong

[JH]

I am autistic and I don't ever say things in ways that are soft...no excuse - but I reckon it's very easy to keep relationship with me as I don't know how to lie and it's easy to know where my lines of ok and not ok are.

Always like helping daughter - who has ADHD - meaning scattered brain and I have to clean up her mess all the time.

Feeling very frustrated and angry.

I am not a mother who wants to keep her or control her...but finding her behaviour abusive.

Help!  I don't want to always feel angry with her.  But I really don't know how to improve my relationship with her when I already feel so hurt.

[tyme]

Hey @JH ,

Welcome to the forums. Thank you for sharing. It's great that you've been able to reach out and I certainly hear that things are tough at the moment as you navigate your own mental health and wellbeing as well as the needs of your daughter.

Have you found what works for your daughter in terms of getting things done? For example, lists, alarms.

I'm guessing she lives with you?

Are there expectations/boundaries you have set with her?

I hope you get the support and connection you deserve, here on the forums.

[Appleblossom]

I identify as aspie, but not ADHD. Words are meant to be a tool to help us better life. Neurodiverse, can be a good concept and can conflate some things.

Sorry your daughter is disrespectful. The chaotic energy of ADHD, is a challenge to “sufferers “ to manage. So they need to be encouraged to do that, without stepping all over close people and leaning into abuse.  They should use their energy constructively, be grateful they have it, and stop using a diagnosis as an excuse for bad behaviour. This week, I heard about disgraceful repetitive screaming behaviour… 

I dont know the details or how best to protect yourself, but find ways to gently and firmly put expectations and boundaries up. I know as a parent, duty and love and care keep us engaged. At some point maybe your daughter can work on distress regulation, personal responsibility and start to revel in the positive aspects of her neurodivergence. Maybe you can find a way to enjoy the differences and common aspects of your personality styles.

good luck 

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