Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Former-Member]

Hey @Loulou83 @DeeElysia
Checking in with you
Darcy

[DeeElysia]

Hi @Former-Member things are going ok. I realised in order to not get myself upset and over analyze thing I don't react anymore.

If he says something strange or is acting out I just ignore. Yes we don't argue and seem to be able to feel closer. But it still plays on my mind..
Only yesterday I caught him using my mobile and searching in Google for "sensor in the house as hidden camera".
I got a little annoyed first time in 2 weeks of being strong. His answer was they found a hidden camera at work.. was mimicking a sensor. Okay..... What do i say now?
So I ask for him to please seek help. First step doctor.. No go again.. What do you say in this situation.

So at the moment I'm pretending everything is fine and doesn't bother me. When in reality I'm waking up feeling anxious. No thoughts just anxiety. Guess it's catching up to me. Trying to stay strong and stop looking into things. Although very hard.

He's talking about wanting another bubs. I want the same. We had two moment's of normality and can be possible. At this point I don't know if I should be scared or happy if I am pregnant?.. Guess it was part of our plan .. I know I will love him/her regardless just not sure about how long and if I can handle hubby.

Leaving it in God's hands. I know he's got good plans in store for me and my family. And the faith gets me through. 🙏💜💙🤞

[Former-Member]

Hi @DeeElysia

Not reacting is good.  Some patients with psychosis do recover without further episode but it can be debilitating in others, or a sign of more serious issues.  Things to watch for are not taking care of personal hygeine, withdrawal from social activities and other psych symptoms such as anxiety. Not understanding that there is a problem (loss of insight) can be part of the disorder which is why a lot of patients do not seek help (the following might be helpful to you).  It is looking like my husbands psychosis might be due to bipolar ii but this is still yet to be established.  This might help you:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lstn6WNnCRc 

Having faith is protective and can be a great help, indeed it has been for myself, but sadly it did not stop my husband from attempting when he was not getting appropriate medical treatment,  Major psychiatric illnesses have a high risk of being terminal by way of self harm if untreated, something I found out myself when researching the conditions that have been tendered in relation to my husband. Having a faith often means that you can have good supports in a non judgmental atmosphere (but this is not always the case).  If you are already anxious, getting some support for yourself is vital, there is a super high rate of depression in carers, I found the combination of faith, psychoeducation and emotional support has helped me avoid this (Carers Aust is a good starting point).

Having a "normal" life is important to someone with mental illness, Mr Darcy & I do not have children (this was a decision made long before his MI).  With regard to intimacy, mental illness affects this greatly, not just talking about sex, gentle touches and expression of emotion can be absent or rare (another indication of deterioration).  If your husband does agree to treatment, one thing to be prepared in advance is that some psych meds have a high rate of causing sexual dysfunction. There are prolactin sparing ones and it might pay to do a little bit of research, not being able to perform was really upsetting for Mr Darcy and it can cause nonadherence to meds. 

As you say you have faith, can I direct you to this site, it gave me hope that we can live well in spite of a mental health diagnosis.

http://freshhope.us/

Darcy

[Obie]

Hello deeelysia
I am going through the same thing with my son who is 48.
Believes we're being lied to by the government, the terror attacks around the world are staged by the government, no such thing as a virus, all medication is evil, the earth is flat, reptilian slice amongst us I could go on & on! He refuses to discuss that there is anything wrong & would never seek help as the medical profession can't be trusted either. I don't have any answers for you as his condition has only escalated in the past 6mths. I am totkaay beside myself as I recently lost my daughter to cancer & now it seems I am losing my son. I just want you to know you are not alone xxx

[Loulou83]

Hi @Former-Member,
Thanks for checking in, I haven't been on the forum for a while as I have gone back to work full time so my husband can have some much needed rest. Things are travelling along well with our new arrangement. He is trying some new meds, we are on week 3, so we are still not sure how they are going to go, fingers crossed that they will be a better match for him. I have started to see a councillor myself and it is nice to have someone to talk to and give advice on how deal with all the stresses of our new life.
Hope you are well.

[Former-Member]

Good things are steady for you @Loulou83

[elyboomboom]

Hi Dee
My son was diagnosed, with somatic delusion which falls in the category of schizophrenia, I took some classes, and the teacher said that what they see and hear and feel is their reality , you will go crazy if you try to analyze what he is doing hearing or seeing , I just acknowledge my son and then I switch the conversation to something different and it really helps me , try it and let me know i

[Demi]

My husband started showing very similar symptoms just over 10 years ago. At that time I did not know what to do.  My husband was quite a prominent member of the rural community in which we lived. I spent my time walking on eggshells and trying to hide what he and I were going through. In every social occasion I always had one eye on my husband hoping he was not going to say or do something "crazy". Every time I suggested that he needed help he would turn it around to me. At about 4:00 one morning, he packed a bag and took off in our car saying he was going to sort this out once and for all and he left. I did not know what to do or who to speak to. I went to work and told my boss who said that we needed to go see the doctor. The advice I was given was to go to the court house and invoke an ITO (involuntary treatment order) as it was uncertain if harm was going to be caused to either my husband or someone else. Signing that piece of paper was the hardest decision I have ever made and to this day I struggle with the decision I made, as in my heart I felt that my husband would not hurt anyone, physically anyway. Emotionally - a different story. The result was that the police stopped him, he was assessed and admitted to hospital. Since that time, we have moved twice. An ITO has been invoked twice. In the lead up to the most recent (almost two years ago), I left my husband. When he came out of hospital last time, he went to live with his brother and I came back to live in our house. Twelve months later, the living situation with his brother could not continue and with much hesitation on my part, my husband came back to live at home. Since the last ITO, my husband has continued receiving medication by depot (which had not happened previously). He can no longer work, he spends most of his day in bed, he has no social contact with anyone outside of family. He is happier that he lives at his home and sees his adult children more. He is calmer and there has been no evidence of the delusions that were so apparent. However, I still struggle with trying to do the right thing by everyone, including me and our three children who are now young adults. There is no easy way to handle what the illness presents. It effects  everyone in the family. Going down the ITO path presents its own problems. I don't know if I had left before going down that path that may have prompted my husband to get help, but I doubt it. I received help from a psychologist in helping me live with the decisions I had made and the decisions I needed to make for my future.

I am managing to live with the current arrangements. I don't know how I feel about my husband other than knowing that I care. I can't imagine what life is like for my husband in dealing with what he has over the past years. I am too hesitant to,ask him.

There is so much I haven't said. I totally understand your difficulties with knowing when enough is enough. It sound like you have already put up with a lot. I am loathed to give advice as the situation is so hard. Talking to someone outside the situation like a psychologist may be helpful in deciding what to do for yourself, your daughter and your husband. 

[Demi]

My husband started showing very similar symptoms just over 10 years ago. At that time I did not know what to do.  My husband was quite a prominent member of the rural community in which we lived. I spent my time walking on eggshells and trying to hide what he and I were going through. In every social occasion I always had one eye on my husband hoping he was not going to say or do something "crazy". Every time I suggested that he needed help he would turn it around to me. At about 4:00 one morning, he packed a bag and took off in our car saying he was going to sort this out once and for all and he left. I did not know what to do or who to speak to. I went to work and told my boss who said that we needed to go see the doctor. The advice I was given was to go to the court house and invoke an ITO (involuntary treatment order) as it was uncertain if harm was going to be caused to either my husband or someone else. Signing that piece of paper was the hardest decision I have ever made and to this day I struggle with the decision I made, as in my heart I felt that my husband would not hurt anyone, physically anyway. Emotionally - a different story. The result was that the police stopped him, he was assessed and admitted to hospital. Since that time, we have moved twice. An ITO has been invoked twice. In the lead up to the most recent (almost two years ago), I left my husband. When he came out of hospital last time, he went to live with his brother and I came back to live in our house. Twelve months later, the living situation with his brother could not continue and with much hesitation on my part, my husband came back to live at home. Since the last ITO, my husband has continued receiving medication by depot (which had not happened previously). He can no longer work, he spends most of his day in bed, he has no social contact with anyone outside of family. He is happier that he lives at his home and sees his adult children more. He is calmer and there has been no evidence of the delusions that were so apparent. However, I still struggle with trying to do the right thing by everyone, including me and our three children who are now young adults. There is no easy way to handle what the illness presents. It effects  everyone in the family. Going down the ITO path presents its own problems. I don't know if I had left before going down that path that may have prompted my husband to get help, but I doubt it. I received help from a psychologist in helping me live with the decisions I had made and the decisions I needed to make for my future.

I am managing to live with the current arrangements. I don't know how I feel about my husband other than knowing that I care. I can't imagine what life is like for my husband in dealing with what he has over the past years. I am too hesitant to,ask him.

There is so much I haven't said of my story. I totally understand your difficulties with knowing when enough is enough. It sound like you have already put up with a lot. I am loathed to give advice as the situation is so hard. Talking to someone outside the situation like a psychologist may be helpful in deciding what to do for yourself, your daughter and your husband. 

[DeeElysia]

Hi @Demi

Thank you for sharing your story with me.
I honestly dont know what to say and do anymore. I'm struggling badly. Feeling so much resentment towards him, one for not taking control of his illness, two for not caring about how it affects me and "us" as a family.
I understand its an illness which he didnt ask to have but he's never taken ownership of it and stayed on his meds.

Every time its the same struggle. He's fine then crashes goes on meds stays on for max 2 months if lucky then decides he's OK and is off.
Its so frustrating. Going without every Christmas as it seems to be a pattern when he crashes and is out of work. 10 years into this .. I dont know how much more I can take.

Now on top of his depression / anxiety which he had. He's got paranoia and delusions. Now this is hard!!!!

Only 2 days ago he told me how he keeps on seeing the same initials everywhere K.M ... Meaning his ex girlfriend over ten years back. Said he's been seeing it everywhere for over a week. I felt really scared thinking now he's seeing things...

I do see a physiologist myself. Hasn't been too helpful as to advise or anything. Usually feels like I vent most the session. I dont really feel like I walk out with clarity on anything. Which is upsetting.
I really feel like I'm going in circles. Not going anywhere there's no direction.

I would like more information the ITO? How can I get it.. How does it work. I'll look into it either way ..
Its hard because he's always angry if I mention meds. But I can't live this way... At the same time it might ruin us as a relationship too. Not that this hasnt already. He says he can't trust me thinking I know what these outsiders are doing etc. We just can't communicate ..

Do you have any advise what I can do? What would you do if you could go back ?

Its a year into this delision thing.. I just am at wits end with all his stuff going on.. He's just so angry..