Lived Experience Forum

[James8]

After I posted yesterday I felt better it felt like a weight was lifted off me but still I feel numb, heavy like I im sinking but my feet are still firmly on the ground, i don't even know if im deppresed bc of my trauma or if it's just something I blame it on cause it feels right, maybe it's the isolation, living in a small town with no friends only thing being able to do is work eat and sleep, when people invite me to hangout I always say no cause im anxious about being in big crowds or around people I don't know, I barley trust anyone, feels like when I do trust someone I just get hurt or I hurt them before their able to hurt me.

Sorry for the rant but it feels better being able to put it somewhere then bottling it all up.

[Jynx]

Hey again @James8, no need to apologise - you're absolutely right, it's always better to let it out than bottle it up. It's legit an important part of emotional processing, so vent as needed. 

Have you ever asked for some opportunities to spend time with people in a secluded place, and no extra people? I like hikes and nature walks for this reason, super nice to get away from crowds and spend some quiet time in nature. Would your friends be open to that sort of thing? 

[James8]

@Jynx there's really one friend I have and I try to spend time but he rather stay in play computer games in his free time which is perfectly okay but besides him I don't got no one else, the town im in your either go out drinking till the morning or you do nothing, and im not a big drinker and I hate crowds

[Jynx]

Ach true, I'm guessing quite a small town @James8? Makes it harder for sure. Maybe chat to your friend, ask to do something a little different, see how he responds? 

PS I'm about to head off for tonight so I'll say bye for now, but catch you round soon if you're about 😊

[James8]

@Jynx have a good night sleep well

[Asgard]

Hi @James8 

Glad you feel a wee bit better and rant away to your hearts content.  Sometimes having a good rant is good for the soul.  So I gather you live in a wee town, with not much on, glad you have a mate to hang out with.  Can he be your wingman when ye go out, at least ye will have someone to chat to as you nurse that beer.  Its always easier to meet people when ye have mates with ye. 

Taje care  ..... Asgard

[HelloKitty1981]

@James8 welcome to the forums.

One of the best things I have found when I bottle thoughts and feelings up is to let them be realised and get them out of my head and body. One way is to write down all your thoughts and feelings on paper so I am able to realise all that weight and tension from my body and i feel so much lighter and my head does'nt have so much noise going on. It makes this easier to concentrate on in everyday life.

It also gives me a chance to reflect on what I was going through maybe with work or friends, family issues at the time i was caught up in these feelings.  Being able to look back can give you an insight into why you may have had those thoughts, what could have been a trigger for them, what signs should I look out for when I start feeling them same way.

I would also consult your gp to see if you have depression and its something they can monitor as it can go up and down, be seasonal like changes in weather or hang around for a long period of time. They may suggest other therapies you could try to help you like meditation, talking in online support groups like SANE etc. They may suggest a trial of anti depressants for a short period of time to help with your thoughts and turn down your anxiety. 

I have gone through major depression and anxiety, panic attacks, social phobia and being very isolated and withdrawn. I had to learn that I had concious thoughts and unconcious thoughts and how they effected me personally and my life and how to learn to overcome them or atleast settle them down and for them from ruling my happiness and life.

It takes a lot of time, effort and therapy but it can get better, you certainly arent alone in feeling the way you do and its pretty common.

I still have major depression and anxiety at times but no where as near as bad as I had years ago. I have been able to overcome social phobia and let people in knowing I may get hurt for being vunerable but everyone has some vunerable thing about them. And sometimes you just have to fake that you have all this confidence even when you don't to achieve the things that have held me back from making new friends to finding the right relationship.  I have studied and held down a job for many years.

But each took baby steps and help from gps, counsellors, psychologists etc to learn techniques to beat my own negative self talk,  hours of practice and building my self worth and confidence. 

There is no shame even in the country for saying im not ok, I need some help.😊 

[James8]

@HelloKitty1981 I've tried therapy before 4 diffrent times and I get told I'm okay everytime which made me feel maybe I am okay and just doing it for some gain and put me in a worse mental state, I haven't been in a while but I've recently joined up for better help and have an appointment on Sunday for it, I've been diagnosed with depression, anxiety adhd and bpd(borderline personality) im glad I found this website bc it is helping alot, if possible what are ways you strategy's that have helped you to get over social anxiety, or the feeling of vulnerability. Thank you for the kind words and the support im glad and makes me feel better there's others put there like me and I'm not alone

[tyme]

Hey @James8 ,

I can relate to what you are feeling. I was also diagnosed with anxiety, depression and BPD. 

After a long MH recovery, I'm in a much better place.

However, I can certainly relate to all those feelings of dread, numbness and void.

Please know recovery is very possible.

You are not alone.

[James8]

@tyme If I may ask how did you deal with the bpd episode, the anger, triggered by abandonment or being able to snap out of those episode