My special place

[Snowie]

No need to apologise @creative_writer We can only do what we feel comfortable with. If that means stepping back a bit than so be it.

I am ok. Went out with D this morning which was nice. Just spent this afternoon having a bit of 'me' time.

How has your day been?

[creative_writer]

@Snowie, what did you do with D this morning?

I stepped back for a day, uni has been crazy. I procrastinated this semester and ended up with lots of work to do over a short period of time (during the assessment period). I have skipped plenty of module content and readings this semester. I need to get my brain on track again, but sometimes it does not like to cooperate, it's getting easier, slowly, slowly. I also feel stupid for emailing a tutor a question that was already asked on the forums. I probably should write my psych appointment for tomorrow down somewhere so I don't forget.

I'm full of some rage right now. I tend to feel better earlier in the day rather than towards the end of the day. Sorry if I am rambling too much

[Snowie]

D had to have a scan of her teeth so went to that and then went to a few clothes stores afterwards @creative_writer She enjoyed it especially since I was paying!!

It sounds like uni is a bit crazy for you hon. I'm sure you will get everything done you need to. Remember no question is a stupid question.

I feel that way too. As the day goes on it seems to get harder to deal with things. I think for me I am more together in the morning and things just start to unravel as the day goes along.

I hope your psych appt. goes well tomorrow. Are there things that you want to talk about? 

[creative_writer]

@Snowie paying for her clothes was a sweet gesture, I’m sure she appreciated it 💖

I drink matcha and saffron tea, it keeps me going during the day. I also have stuff to do for uni. By evening I am lost with how to cope and struggle to focus on even self care.

I have pent up rage. I feel like I’m not supposed to hold it. I am angry that I had to hold this trauma in for so long and my parents weren’t there for me because they didn’t know what to do with my emotions. Dad said I had to figure it out myself. I also dealt with disbelief from my mum initially too

[PizzaMondo]

Hello 🙂

I had to look twice at the post because I was like "hey... I don't remember writing this post!" - my life and thoughts are exactly yours right now, so I feel it and get it 100%! Literally, down to the missing content and modules and extra work for us to now complete, to .. hey better write down that appointment! Which reminds me.. to remind YOU..

This is an official reminder for @creative_writer to write down your psych appointment for tomorrow on your phone, or on a post-it note, diary - whatever you use to note these kinda things. Don't forget to add the time and place 🙂

From one person full of rage and overwhelm (personally, at myself mainly right now) to another - I think this is the perfect moment to slow down for a second and ask yourself:

What do I need RIGHT NOW?
(pause for a bit and give yourself that)

Then...

What can I do tonight? (read a module, start that assignment, even if it's setting it up and reading one article necessary)..

Otherwise, ramble away also, we're here for ya 🙂 But I know you got this! WE got this!

Warmest,
PizzaMondo 🙂

[Snowie]

She only works part time @creative_writer so I don't mind paying for things since she is still at uni.

I can understand the rage hon. I have it too. At others, at myself, sometimes just at the world.

Right now I'm just trying to get through the rest of the night until I can go to bed.

My mum doesn't have a clue either how to deal with me. She thinks I should just 'get over' it.

Do you do anything to try and get rid of the rage? 

[creative_writer]

@PizzaMondo I have added it to my calendar. I had to get the appointment changed.

I honestly don’t know if I’ll be able to complete the module content I never did right now because assignments are taking priority. Brain is too scattered right now.

My thoughts are loud again, like a classroom full of kids. I’m just tired of these emotions that keep surfacing. I always hope if I don’t give it time, the pain will go away, but it doesn’t

[creative_writer]

@Snowie I try to ignore the rage and do things to distract, but obviously it has to come out sometime. It’s also hard when there is no safe person to reach out to. What do you do to cope with the rage?

[Snowie]

It does have to come out at some stage @creative_writer 

I normally start with taking some prn.

I punch into a pillow, write down my thoughts in my journal, try to do some progressive muscle relaxation, hide under my weighted blanket, put some music on really loud to drown out my thoughts. Sometimes they help, other times they don't. Sometimes I don't try anything, other times I'll try everything.

It is hard when there is no safe person to talk it through with. Thats where I find writing down my thoughts can help. At least I get them out of me.

[creative_writer]

@Snowie the thing is underneath that rage is shame. If I was shut down for talking about it, it feels like I did something wrong and now it’s too shameful to talk about it. It makes me feel like whatever was taken has made me utterly worthless