Not happy with where I am in Life

[LostAngel]

as The Subject Suggests Im not happy with life well where I am to be exact, this is in regards to both the prospect or should I say Ill prospects of a romantic relationship and My inability to have a career by now ,yes Im silly silly for having continued on and off talking to scammer online who I still havnt managed to set myself free from yet ,the other issue is also that seeing as though I have little to no Prospect of being married to the right man ,I have no prospect of becoming a mother , in short I feel useless in a few areas of my life but yes prehaps letting go of painfull past relationships could be part of the reason,maybe Im holding myself back because of not letting go , I am 30 years old and another aspect of my life that really upsets me is how my families dynamics are that is again another inability of mine to be close to or talk to family I only have a few close family to talk to but a majority of the larger part of my family now has nothing to do with me ,we havent spoken for two years , besides that finally Im dealing with court system in regards to a prior romantic relationship before the scammer that ended with me being a victum of crime ,although I prefer to say survivor ,but its like Im not really living the life I want to live ,I wish family wanted to talk to me ,I wish I felt included with family but I dont ,I wish I felt included in a workplace but I dont ,I wish Id gotten married when I was young ,but I havnt,I wish Ive had kids already But I havnt ,and the worst thing is Im becoming so negative about all of it ,Im strong and trying to keep being strong but Im so negative about all thats bothering me ,and not really people to talk to about it ,like a kind of feel like Im living a retirees lifestyle ,like im past the point of even having success almost as if Im alot older than I actually am ,Im now being negative to myself that I wont be married for at least another 10 years and that isnt all the last thing is I can see from a distance family members happily living their lives,happily living there lives without me and most of them are having kids in their teens and twenties and to really top it off I find out that one of my family memebrs has used a name to name their child that I had in mind to use if I ever have children ,I feel washed up before Ive even had a chance to have the life I want ,as if Im alot older than I am and have already quote lived life and now my ship has sailed,I feel almost as if I dont desreve life success or happiness, apologies for going on and on ,just really had to vent all my thoughts out

[Jynx]

Hey @LostAngel I'm sorry to hear that this has all gotten to a point of such distress for you. I wish I had easy answers for you, but I don't. I can only talk about my own experience - which is, that as paradoxical as it sounds, I've found that the moment we stop looking for love is when we find it. And that the quote, 'Comparison is the thief of joy' really rings true. Others may be achieving the goals you'd want to achieve for yourself, and that can be tough - but they haven't had to live our lives, or cope with the same challenges we've faced. 

I'm glad you decided to vent your thoughts rather than keeping them bottled up hun. Hope you do feel a little lighter 💜

[Ainjoule]

Sorry to hear that things aren't going according to plan. Good on you for being able to talk about how you are feeling. I can relate to not feeling like your life has gone the way you wanted. 

[MJG017]

Hi @LostAngel I too wish I mad more advice I could offer you.  I do know the feeling of not being close to family, not having kids or a career.  It certainly makes me feel empty and like I've failed at life.  The painful past relationships you've had certainly wouldn't help.

I was 42 when I found myself in my first relationship and 11 years later we're still together.  So miracles can happen even when you're way past the point at thinking it's ever going to happen because it's far too late.  When I was 30, I was just starting to be a bit concerned about where things were headed and I still did nothing to change anything... I sort of just kept hoping something would change.  So the fact you're worried now, sounds like you're 10 or 12 years smarter than I ever was and you're still young enough that you can still change things for the better.

It's so easy to blame ourselves and think we're not deserving and the biggest problem is that it can very easily become a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Like I said, it took me 40 years to figure that out, had a midlife crisis/panic attack and forced myself to changed some stuff which led me to at least salvage one of those 'failures' can find a close relationship in my life.  Too late for kids and I still have no real relationship with my family but at this stage in my life I'll take one out of three.

So from my point of view, the fact that you're this worried about it all now, I see as a positive in that you still have enough time to change things.  It's never easy of course, but you're clear about what you want and how the past has affected you and given you these negative thoughts about yourself, puts you in a good position to start to change things.  You do deserve all those things and you have to just keep reminding yourself of that.

I will admit, the watching other people around you living their 'happy lives' can get so damn hard, but I tried to not let it make me give up, but a reminder of what I really wanted.  Did it work?  Sometimes, but mostly not, but it was enough to keep me going and hoping.  It took turning 40 for me to give up, which gave me the desperation to really force myself to change things.  So it sounds like this is where you find yourself, so that's why I say I see it as a positive sign that you've reached this point before its too late.  Take advantage of that, trust yourself, forgive yourself, and think of this time in your life as the point at which you turned things around.

No need to apologise for having a vent, god knows we all need that at times.  If it helps you, then that's all that is important.  I wish you all the very best in making your 30s, far happier than your 20s.

[Katz42]

Hi, I'm new here too. I just want to say that I am so sad for you that you feel so awful about your life situation at the moment. Without taking anything away from the pain of your experience, I can honestly say that I truly understand and at the moment, I am far from happy with my life and where it's at too. I'm past menopause and was never able to have my own children, something that I have always wanted and will grieve over for the rest of my life. I find it unbearable to see other people with children and them talking about their children. It isn't always that way, after years of therapy, and I think exposure therapy is helping me cope better. I do understand your want and need to have children. Please consider though, don't rush into a relationship or marriage because you want children. There are other options if it came to that. I would worry for you that if you rushed things (and I get that your body clock is ticking) you may end up in an abusive relationship or at least an unhappy one. Of course there is every chance that you will meet a wonderful and caring partner, and I so hope that you do. You never know what is around the corner. Please don't give up hope. I think the fact that you have shared your suffering here, means that you do have some fight and hope left, even if it doesn't feel like it. Take care of yourself. 😺

[Hope2Recovery]

Hi @LostAngel, thank you for sharing your story, I'm so sorry you are going through this it must be tough. Life in itself is so hard, it's designed to test us every single day, like a big roller coaster up and down, the important thing is when it knocks us down, to get back up again and keep going. I know it can be hard sometimes to be positive all the time, but that's OK. No need to apologise, where ever you are in your life, it's never too late to start over. One journey ends, and another new journey begins. YOU MATTER! and YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY! YOU DESERVE TO BE SUCCESSFUL! We are all big community here to support each other, know that you have been heard ❤️ I wish you all the happiness and success in your life! Be kind to yourself, and take some time to enjoy your hobbies and the things that bring you joy, 🙂 Take care. 

[LostAngel]

Thank you @Katz42 I can see you understand and that many on here understand thank you also @Hope2Recovery thanks for those words of encouragement ,hard to believe its been nearly a month since Ive posted on here at all ,where are things now still a bit the same sadly but in some ways ok  I guess ,got on here tonight cause its 2am and difficult to sleep ,overthinking or just thinking ,you ever feel like you have so much swirling thoughts but not sure where to put those thoughts so here I am again ,let me try to add some positive ,I am eating regular meals each day but am starting to sleep longer hours, trying to watch shows that help relieve the thinking ,am finally beginning to let go of the online scammer situation ,through going no contact ,have also tried to be open to just talking with new people online one person at a time and just purely to have someone to talk to each day ,I still worry so much about missing out on marraige and children ,although at times Ive tried to console myself in like trying to think of women who also may have felt the same way at this point in their lives , I am being rather reclusive in some capacity at least for the time being ,Ive tried to put myself out there but only in small limited spaces like applying for a job but then getting rejected, and just spending a majority of time reclusive ,eating,sleeping,ect to only seeing a limited amount of family who are the few Im willing to speak and spend time with I mean in some ways alone time is self care ,rest time but its terribly lonely and lonelyness is never nice it just prooves us humans are made for companionship ,connection ,love even ,musics been helpfull at times to calm anxiety,Ill try to sleep now ,I am so gratefull for ongoing support we are not alone in our struggles thank you 

[OM108]

@LostAngel 

you are not alone...even when you feel lonely. There are so many others here feeling the same way, and our modern lifestyle seems to create a lot of separation and division. I definitely know what it feels like. I am now in my 60s but when i was in my 20-30s I felt much the same. I didn't enjoy being at parties or going out, didn't know how to have fun and felt like I was different from everyone else around me.

I realise now that there is more to life that all the family and social stuff... and that the best way to meet like-minded people is to join outdoor groups that run activities that you enjoy to do...or even maybe find a charity and volunteer to help others.

What things do you like to do? Do you have some creative pursuits?