BPD and C PTSD

[Autumn-leaves]

Anyone willing to share advice on how to handle a BPD and C-PTSD diagnosis?

On one hand I realise it is probably the best thing to happen to me in a long while as it addresses things that I've struggled with my whole life and might offer a clearer pathway to recovery....

On the other hand.... It has made me feel worse since seeing the Psychiatrist who is diagnosing me. The shame I feel around it is next level... It's only been a few days so I guess there's going to be a period of adjusting to these new lenses to see myself through and I guess Stigma plays a big role. I just am in shock somewhat I think...

I wish this wasn't my reality, it makes me angry! And sad and anxious and all the big emotions lol

[tyme]

Hey @Autumn-leaves , I feel I've chatted to you in the past for some reason.

How I've handled my BPD/CPTSD diagnosis is that it was a relief at first. It was an ah-ha moment where I finally got the answer why I was thinking and behaving in a certain way. 

Then, when I started seeking support, the stigma hit me. The BPD label meant I was fobbed off a lot in hospital and MH services. It was like, "Oh, BPD, we'd better get you outta here". So the support was very limited.

After a lot of intensive therapy, I started to understand the BPD diagnosis more and gradually became acquianted with the condition, then to the point of accepting it.

Throughout my recovery, I've now come to the point where I embrace it and I'm grateful for it because I've learnt so much.

I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for my BPD.

@Autumn-leaves  

Hope this helps a bit. So long story short, acceptance of my BPD/CPTSD took time. 

[Autumn-leaves]

Thanks Tyme 🙂

The ironic part of it is that I'm a mental health professional myself so the fact that I'm feeling the effects of stigma and labels personally is extra painful.

I really never self identified as BPD (the CPTSD I kind of knew unofficially) but it's only my most recent mental health breakdown that has brought about the BPD discussion with a Psychiatrist and they were pretty confident about it after even our first short consult.

I guess it goes to show how well humans are able to hide parts of themselves even from themselves (let alone loved ones and medical professionals)... I'm proof of that...

There is a rising panic happening over it that I'm manically trying to evade right now 😅

[tyme]

I got into the Mental Health industry because I had BPD. I found that it was such a misunderstood condition that I wanted to make a difference and let people know that it's not the manipulative monster it sounds like it is, and that BPD is in fact, very treatable @Autumn-leaves 

I've always been in BPD advocacy work and this was because I know first-hand, how I was treated.

I hope you find a way to work through some of the challenges so that your passion, empathy, intuition, and compassion shine through.

And yes, it's not a wonder why so many borderlines are in profession where they help others. It's because we are highly caring and passionate people 🙂 Embrace that 🙂

[Autumn-leaves]

@tyme, you have made my night with your reply just now... I thankyou so much for taking the time to respond. It fill me with some hope which I need more than anything right now ❤️

It sounds like there will be many other kind souls like yourself with a similar condition that can normalise what I'm going through.

Im relieved to hear I still have a good future career wise too... I guess the deeper personal insight into the complexities of mental health issues will further my ability to sit with people in need of support and understanding... 

May I ask... How long of a road was it from the point you realised you suffered from BPD to when you felt you had a handle on it enough to be working in the field? I'm on extended maternity leave at the moment is why I ask...

[tyme]

Absolutely! Without BPD, I would NOT be doing what I'm doing today. I would not have the compassion I have today for people struggling with any sort of mental health condition. And hence I've learnt to embrace it and run with it @Autumn-leaves 

As for my struggle with BPD, struggled for just over a decade. Although I reached out for help, I don't think I was really 'ready' to make any changes (even if I said I was). I was in my late teens when I first had symptoms, and then diagnosed in my early 20s.

Then it wasn't until I was about 33 when I realised I HATE to do something about it. The turning point was when a clinician said to me, "You've got to be sick of being sick. You're the author of your story and if you don't like how the story is going - change it". And pretty much, from there, I threw myself into therapy - therapy that was very intense and confronting, but also therapy that made a huge difference.

Once I took that step, it was about 3 years when I completed my mentalisation based therapy and was discharged from case management (area mental health), and I started BPD advocacy work - I'd share my BPD experiences locally, nationally and internationally. 

And yes, it was then that I started MH work. 

That's the long answer for you question lol 🙂

[BluJay]

I have saved this in my subscribed posts because these are also my two main diagnosis and we sound very similar, I just have to run to an appointment. But I want to take my time to respond to you ❤️

[BluJay]

Hey @Autumn-leaves! 

Back with my proper response. 
I received a diagnosis of BPD and cPTSD and other things like Anxiety, EDNOS, OCD etc. last year around September. I feel the other diagnostic stacking are more comorbidities with what I call my main two (BPD/cPTSD). These are the two that have had the most impact on my life in pretty much every area. The day of my diagnosis, I honestly thought I'd skip out the office on a high knowing what was "wrong" with me. That's not what happened, I had a huge panic attack about what I had or hadn't said, I had masked through the appointment, I felt isolated because I thought I was ADHD or something along those lines (I do still wonder this), so I suddenly felt like I wasn't a part of a "group". I became angry and upset that these were not illnesses you are born with but caused by events, environmental factors, upbringing what ever. 

Not long after my diagnosis though I went through more significant trauma (yayyyyyyyyy.....not) that literally upheaved my entire life. I wanted to be better but I didn't know how and I was just basically trying to survive the best I could. However, over the last 6 months, I've become a lot more self aware, I've researched (alot) about BPD and cPTSD and tried to really understand where my behaviours, reactions, emotions etc. come from. I am someone who thought I loved being alone, I thought I hated physical affection, I never thought I had abandonment issues the list of my denial goes on haha. Honestly though I think I could the poster girl some days for BPD. I cannot afford DBT therapy right now, so I'm doing every other little thing I can. - Also joining the SANE Recovery Club, was one of the best things I ever spontaneously did. 

Sorry I'm waffling a little, I have found that my healing journey isn't always going to be pleasant and joyous and some days I do spiral into that pit of despair. But I think I'm a place in my life now (34 with a 4yo and 13yo both ND) that I realised that I don't know who I am. or what I like or enjoy, I literally knew almost nothing. And I don't want that, so i'm on this journey of self discovery, understanding and awareness. Processing a lot of it at first was emotionally, mentally and physically painful and exhausting, but as each week has gone by, I can say I have definitely made progress. Each day is different, I battle with myself on a daily basis but I have a goal and that's now purely to live a life i love. And no one can create that except me, so I've thrown myself into therapy, and started to make choices that will help create that. I have always wanted to work within mental health or to help people. Currently I work in disability and whilst I love it, I am studying as of last week my diploma to become a counsellor! I'm very stubborn deep down and just finally at a place where I know that no matter of medications, therapy, doctors etc can help unless I want to help myself. 

I have found books like "No Bad Parts" a book about IFS and our versions of us in our heads helpful. I was given an app to use by my Peer Worker called "How We Feel" its so good for helping me identify what I'm feeling 8/10 I have no idea what I'm feeling. I have fallen in love with meditation. something I used to think was stupid, until I did it this year and connected with my little me. I use tarot & oracle decks to help me understand my inner self. Obviously these things aren't for everyone, but I sincerely think you are not alone in how you are feeling with your diagnosis! I was also given this mini-guide - 
from mental health triage. Which was helpful and made me feel validated in my feelings from the first page!

https://www.sahealth.sa.gov.au/wps/wcm/connect/54dbff36-fc38-44d9-8ccc-fcc70999c9b0/BPDCo2406+Living...

I don't know if this was helpful, or validating or annoying to read haha. But you are definitely not alone at all. And also as @tyme stated they got into mental health work BECAUSE of having BPD and wanting to advocate and spread awareness. I agree that anyone I know that also has BPD, ALL work in some form of health care helping others. I definitely want to be on board with advocating and spreading awareness, because it's such a misunderstood and excruciating disorder to live with, and I wish people knew that changing our behaviours/reactions/impulses etc. has nothing to do with "will power" we are literally trying to rewire our brains thinking. 

I'll shut up now. I'm sorry this was a book. 
I really just wanted you to know you are not alone.

❤️💛💚💙💜 

[tyme]

Thank you for sharing @BluJay . I found that I could relate to so much of your BPD journey. It's great we can be here together to support one another, and I recognise it can be a lonely jounrey at times.

@Autumn-leaves , how are you going?

[Autumn-leaves]

So great to hear you lovely people's stories, it's been a bit of a whirlwind couple of weeks between different appointments to try to get the most correct diagnosis. I've been told by a Doctor treating me for a non-mental health issue to try to ensure the BPD is 120% correct before it goes on my medical records (he said it's not a good one to have listed?!). So that has me a little concerned... 

If anyone could shed some light on why BPD is such an issue if it's officially diagnosed that would be amazing... 

Starting to think I shouldn't have bothered trying to improve my mental health as things are feeling somewhat worse than they were before all the diagnostic talks...

What are the ramifications of having this