Hi I'm New

[HappyWanderer]

I am a mum of 2 young kids, 3 and 5, and I believe my husband has a mental illness. His mum is on the bipolar spectrum, who we also live with. Neither of them take mental health seriously and in short it has become unsafe living with them. We are not in immediate danger but it is unhealthy for myself and the kids and I have made plans to leave. I won't speculate on what he has but he has abused alcohol and drugs in the past and is currently using marijuana. He has almost completely withdrawn from any life outside of work and only seems to notice us occasionally. I am hopeful to have found this space and am unsure what the future looks like but know that I need to make changes for a safe and healthy future for my family.

On a side note since it said fun facts I enjoy park days with the kids and reading.

[DogMan79]

Well done on planning for safety. Your kids are at vulnerable ages. Trauma in the first five years of life effects the brain different to later in brain development

[midmat25]

Welcome aboard @HappyWanderer

It's great that you have come here for support   🙂

It is clear that you have some plans in place for getting into a safer living situation - which is reassuring to hear

Let us know if wanting any potentially helpful referrals to assist you - and we can email with you about that

Kind regards

[Sugarshack]

Hi there,

Congratulations and well done to identify the root cause of the situation: intergenerational mental health issues which are unnaddressed. 

My mother did NOT leave her psychopathic husband, she adapted herself to be the centre of his world and has NEVER addressed the domestic violence in her or our lives leading to third generation preventable disability in the family...

So, well done to you for recognising the need to call right vs wrong and get yourself out of there. Your kids will be rewarded to see your strength and determination to stick by whats right, and build a healthy family not one which tolerates routine despair and abuse.

[Sugarshack]

Also based off another family I know:

You can say, I wanted to live a life where we were happy, honest, having the best available life etc. Dad was unwilling and unable to join us in that lifestyle, so he got left behind and he always has the chance to learn how to be responsible, respectful etc in a way that allows all people to be happy around him, and safe to be themselves.

As I knew another "victim father" who got divorced but he always mocked his son for being gay, and that man could never accept that he was the ruination of his own marriage and also that he made his son hate him, through bullying as a father to the son. It made me sad that the father, even post divorce, post custody court, simply could never treat his own kids with respect.