@Chosen1 healing is hard. i think many of us feel the same, and this isn't something we can "fix" although ppl step in and try and say they have the answers or a direction to point us into.
healing hurts. we also often hold onto relationships from when we're young - i think many ppl marry someone they know from when they are young - makes sense as your world is being shaped and feelings are so strong then.
In terms of rebuilding, and healing, i feel like its 2 steps forward and 1 step back. I thought i was healed and then more abusers entered the scene. They prey and smell the wound. I have become very selective, set boundaries, and worked to look at how i feel with someone - not to fawn or give them what they need to feel good about themselves, but to give myself what i need - space, self-care, and my own boundaries.
Still, bad ppl come sometimes. Its 2 steps forward one step back. I hope you and your children are safe and okay tonight. Relate to the wide-ranging psychological damage. I also have cptsd and feel its very misunderstood or assumed to be other things.
