Saying Hello to Everyone.

[Spanishfly_909]

Hi everyone, first time here I am recovering from a spinal injury 6 years ago and suffer from chronic pain and paralysis. I have CPTSD and suffer depression and anxiety. And panic attacks on social environments.

hope to connect with people that might understand my struggles and get guidance and support and offer the same if I can. 
hello all. 

[tyme]

Welcome @Spanishfly_909 

Thank you for sharing. Pain impacts every aspect of life, let alone chronic pain and paralysis from a spinal injury. I hear you. 

I can relate to what you are saying. I don't have chronic pain from a spinal injury, but I have had slipped discs in the past and the pain is...unimaginable... every movement is excruciating.

By connecting on the forums, I hope others will be able to share this insights with you. I know there are others who struggle with chronic pain, which then leads to other mental health challenges.

Please know you are not alone.

Is there anything you do to help you through each day?

Do you have people around you who can support you?

[Spanishfly_909]

I do have my wife, no family and friends havent contacted in a long time I feel they felt awkward and didn’t no how to respond, after I attempted suicide in 2020 I really isolated and that broke a lot of connections, my wife has burned out from carrying all the weight and being my career has stressed out relationships. I know ahe would love to get away but would be looked at poorly by her family for leaving me in a situation like Im in at the moment. 

so I feel very much alone and struggle with passive and active suicidal ideation. As I feel like I have nothing to look forward too. My future is very different to what I had planned. I was a successful in career and I had everything I’ve r wanted and then I had my accident. So I haven’t ever accepted the accident

[SunsetSunrise]

Hi @Spanishfly_909 

Welcome to the Sane Forum. Taking the step to make that first post can be so huge. We're glad you've joined us!

That sounds incredibly isolating, especially after having so many parts of your life and identity changed so suddenly. Losing connections after a suicide attempt can leave people carrying a lot of shame and loneliness, even when the distance often comes from others not knowing how to respond rather than not caring.

It also sounds like you’re carrying a lot of guilt around the impact this has had on your wife and your relationship. Caring so deeply about how this affects her says a lot about how much you value her, even while you’re struggling yourself.

What you said about grieving the future you thought you’d have really stood out too. When a major accident changes the direction of your life so dramatically, it makes sense that acceptance wouldn’t be simple or linear. That’s a huge loss to process.

You shouldn’t have to hold all of this on your own. I’m really glad you shared here instead of sitting with it silently.

I'm going to leave you with some resources you can reach out to if the suicidal ideation gets too loud to handle on your own.

- https://www.beyondblue.org.au/

- https://www.lifeline.org.au/

Take extra gentle care tonight, and welcome!

-SunsetSunrise

[Misty7]

Hi @Spanishfly_909,

really sorry to hear that you are carrying a heavy load. I have chronic pain from CPTSD (recently diagnosed) and panic attacks. Are you getting any therapy for your CPTSD and the other mental health conditions and on any medication? Maybe you can join a support group (online) for people who are in very similar situations to get the extra support? CPTSD is very fatiguing in itself you need a lot of rest. Deep breathing exercises can help with panic attacks and how to calm yourself down in stressful situations. I hope you and your wife are getting all the disability support you can get (to get some of the pressure off). If you ever feel unsafe please call 000. I hope you and you partner take care of each other.Please take care.

[Spanishfly_909]

Thank you @Misty7 , Im not sure how or where to find that as Im new to this page. 
I actually have a psychotherapist that does EMDR with me, a psychologist that I do CBT with and a psychiatrist that has me taking a cocktail of meds to sleep , and function throughout the day. I take [Moderator Edit] per day plus other meds to manage the side effects from all the above meds. I have been asked to do TMS or psycadilic treatment to help me to radically accept my situation and to help with my depression which has been hard to manage as I have been on at least 6 or so over the last 6 years. 
NDIS doesn’t really help and if they do they argue with workcover for 12 months over who should cover the costs. As my injury was at work , I find that ndis and workcover fight over who should pay the bill so my treatment is complicated and I find it ironic that both government agency spend money arguing over who should pay for my treatment when it is all tax payer money anyway and they spend it on lawyers and just delay my operations and treatment. But at least they don’t disagree with the treatment they just argue amongst themselves who should pay and I wait till they sort that out every time. 

my wife is very rood and she works hard and tries to have a hard shell to act like she has it all under control , but I know she doesn’t , she thinks I don’t hear her cry in the shower of the burden and change our life has changed. 
she feels torn between duty and self preservation. I’ve told her that if she left I wouldn’t blame her but she tells me, ahe wouldnt but I feel so bad when she has to help me. I mean we used to travel twice a year around the world and life was good , now I would give all that away just to be healthy again. 

if someone could show me how to join a group I would be happy to join and sit back at the start and understand how it works.. 

but I feel all alone as I don’t share anything with my wife as she has enough to deal with. 
so I would be interested in joining.

thank you 

[Emelia8]

Well done @Spanishfly_909 for reaching out to others in potentially similar situations to yourself, via these forums. It's a big step, and not easy.

The situation you are in sounds incredibly difficult. I'm so sorry that your accident destroyed all that you had achieved up to that point.

Living with debilitating pain is so hard. It's constant and nagging, it doesn't let up. Often you are on strong medications which can affect you in other areas as well. It gets you down and leaves you feeling there is no hope of anything better. I get it, I've been there. I too had a spinal injury. But after 3 major spinal surgeries 3 years ago, and a spine full of metal,, I'm now almost pain free. So there is hope. Obviously I don't know your exact situation, but I do know that medical science is improving constantly. So don't give up hope of improvement.

Is your CPTSD related primarily to your accident?  I also have CPTSD, which pre-dates my spinal accident. I have had a lot of therapy to help with it, to help cope with the effects. It hasn't gone away, but I have learned to cope better with the symptoms. I also continue to see a good trauma focussed clinical psychologist on a regular basis.

I hope you have adequate physical and emotional support around you.

Feel free to tag me if you have any questions. I hope you find the forum's helpful and supportive, as I have done.

[TunedIn]

Hi @Spanishfly_909 

It's great to see you reaching out here and the wonderful words of support from members, who I can see relate to what you're going through 🌿

I can also see you are new and wondered if you were aware of the tagging feature? This means using the "@" symbol which then brings up members usernames, which you can add to the post, to help them see your response. Does that make sense? 

I also made a minor edit in your post to fit with the guidelines around sharing medication names. You can read more about that in the Community Guidelines section here, under the heading "Limit Detailed Descriptions". Please reach out if you have any further questions about any of this 🌺

TunedIn 🌱

[Spanishfly_909]

Hi @TunedIn ,

thank you for the advice and guidance. I really to appreciate your help. I have been made to feel welcome and understood , I am looking to partake in a group session or a 1:1 in due time, just getting comfortable with the web page and taking things slow but the vibe has made me feel safe so far 🙏

Regards 

S