Hi again @Tarmac_6
I remember replying to one of your posts a month or so ago about how much I relate to what you're dealing with. As I said then, growing up with social anxiety is so difficult, it's a problem that just becomes a vicious cycle of finding it hard to talk to people and get support, making it harder to try and reach out, and it just keeps feeding on itself. Everything you mentioned about how it makes you feel, is completely valid. You are in no way horrible for feeling like this. It is just so exhausting to always feel like you are there for others without anyone else being there for you when you need it.
You said this friend of yours has sad that she has said that when she's upset she can't handle other peoples problems. This is completely valid as well. So it's equally valid to tell her that you have days like that as well, where you need some support. It's too much for anyone when it's only going one way. She said she thinks you are attune to here needs and helpful which is great. But you can only continue to do that if you take care of yourself as well. Some of us are just more resilient that others obviously so even though we deal with our own challenges, we find it in ourselves to continue to support others. But even the strongest of us can only do that for so long without getting some of that support back.
I know it hard, especially with social anxiety, to assert these boundaries. But it helps to just start with small and low pressure ways. For example, you could say "I really want to be there for you, but right now it's just a really rough time for me and I just need to recharge a little bit first." Yep, it will feel uncomfortable and even a bit mean. But it's not! It's taking care of yourself, which means you can better support others. You are doing the right thing and you've recognised that you need to do something now before it turns into any kind of resentment.
I found that the people who do care about me, fully accept it when I do tell then that I just can't help them at the moment and that I need some support. No one in any relationship like this should have to go without their own support... it's just not sustainable. She was open and honest with you, so it's perfectly okay for you to do the same. Hopefully you can both come up with a plan to be there for each other when each of you need it. And another tip, don't get into the mindset of comparing who's worse off! It doesn't help anyone and it doesn't matter. When you're struggling you deserve support. It really is that simple. The support in a relationship or friendship doesn't have to be 50/50... it rarely is is one person has more of those bad days. But each person deserves some back.
If you don't practice asserting those boundaries, even a little bit, then you've seen where it leads. We keep supporting others while hiding how we are feeling. People then think we're doing fine and are so great because we're always there for them when they need it. None of this is easy. But you appear to have a lot of self awareness and you see perfectly how this just can go on like it is. Give her a chance or trust her enough to let her know. It's not her fault and it's not yours either, but she should know how much you are struggling. We can often be our own worst enemies and convince ourselves that we have to keep everything to ourselves. We don't have to, and people who care about us would fully agree. We put everything on ourselves and that's not fair. We need to find that balance, or at least a way to get closer to it. Yes, it's really hard at the start like I said, but it's usually the first time that it's really difficult and we find out that the worst case scenario we convinced ourselves would happen was far from real. Making it much easier in future and helping us to be much more open to people and getting that support we need.
